HeartBreak. || DNF

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Song Suggestion: wish you were gay

I sat there, huddled in the little corner of my room, holding onto Mr. Louis as tightly as I could. He was my giant stuffed bear I got for Christmas from dad.

Mom was busy again, lost in her world of bills and problems.

I watched her from afar, wishing she'd look up and notice me, ask how my day was, or just give me a warm hug.

Outside, the other kids played. They giggled and danced.

I wanted to join them but it seemed like I was invisible to everyone, even my own mom.

I missed the times when we used to do things together, when she'd read me stories or play games with me

I mean, I was only 8.

I sighed and looked up at the cracked ceiling, tracing the patterns with my finger.

I wished things were different.

One day, I told myself, things would change, and I would find the love I needed.

But the only problem is, I thought I did. I thought I finally did.

I thought I finally found the love I needed, the love I craved for.

I was wrong.

The person I had begun to care about, the one I had secretly developed a crush on, was part of a transaction, a charade.

Had our conversations meant nothing?

George continues, his voice shaking with remorse. "I didn't want to tell you, but I couldn't keep pretending. I never expected to actually enjoy your company, Dream."

Tears welled up in my eyes as a jumble of emotions overwhelmed me.

I wasn't thinking straight.

I was speechless.

This couldn't be true, right? George wouldn't do that to me.

I had dreamed of a connection, of finding someone who would see me for who I was and not just a paycheck.

Swallowing hard, I managed to find my voice, though it quivered with emotion.

"Do you believe in love George?" I ask my voice breaking a little.

He looks a little confused and didn't have any words.

He probably expected me to start sobbing and breaking down but I didn't feel anything.

"I don't." I tell him straight up.

He's even more confused, "But you told me you loved me and now you don't believe in love..?"

"I believed in you." tears rolled down my cheeks, but they were tears of relief in a way.

"Dream.." he could barely whisper my name.

"Oh I almost forgot," I say grabbing an envelope filled with money from my pocket "Thanks for being my fucking friend George."

"Please listen-"

"No, thank you George. Thank you for making me realize life could be okay sometimes."

George looks at me looking more upset than I was.

"But you know what? That happiness was just a lie.  You made me believe in something that wasn't real." I tell him slightly pissed off but at the same time I could cry.

"I hate you." I whisper looking at him.

George looks down at the envelope in his hands and then back at me, tears were flowing down his red cheeks.