i forgive you (y/ns pov)

Chapter 4: I hate you

Laying down on my bed I got lost in my thoughts for a while before I eventually fell asleep. A couple of hours later I woke up. Feeling dried out from all that crying I decided to walk down to the kitchen. It was already dark outside.

From far away I already heard Steves voice.
He was talking on the phone.
„Look, Sam, I know it's late but I need you two to listen to me now. Something happened."

The door to his room was left open. I didn't mean to eavesdrop.
As he reached to finally close the door, he saw me.

„Y/n..."

He still looked at me as if he had just seen a ghost.

I heard Sam going wild over hearing my name. A small smile ran over my face.
„Tell him I missed him."

He was relieved about the forgiving tone of my voice.

„You need to calm down, Sam. I have great news but it's a complicated story", he continued. He smiled and closed the door.

I could tell he was really stressed out.
I didn't know what story Fury had told them this time. I knew I had to tell my side of the story anyways. But today wasn't the day that would happen.

I continued my walk to the kitchen.

Being alone in the compound kitchen late made me feel a little nostalgic and I knew immediately what I was craving: A hot chocolate.
I remembered all the late nights I spend here with Nat, Wanda or Sam talking complete nonsense over dozens of cups of hot chocolate.
I searched the pantry for fresh milk and melted some chocolate in it as it got hot on the stove. I also found my favorite cup in the back of the cupboard. Probably no one touched it because they thought I could get home any minute and would freak out if someone else was using my mug.

I didn't know something so simple as drinking hot chocolate out of your favorite mug could bring back such a warm feeling of welcoming.

I got lost in my head again reminiscing the old times when the inevitable happened.

James Bucky Barnes entered the kitchen.

My smile faded fast and anger filled my stomach.

„You must be y/n. Your arrival has everyone freaking out." He said with a welcoming smile.

My hands tightened around my mug.

„I'm Bucky", he introduced himself leaning against the door frame.

God, how I hated the sound of his voice.

„I know", I answered not even bothering looking at him. I didn't make any efforts in introducing myself.

„Well -", he started one last try. „Nice to meet you, I guess."

I looked up and gave him the worst death stare.

„Listen", I yelled.

Startled, he took a step back.

„I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you, Barnes. I hate you. I fucking hate you! So if you really wanna play this stupid everybodys-new-darling shit game, do me favor and back the fuck off!"

While yelling at him I got up and made my way towards him.

His face darkened as he raised his voice:
„What is your problem?"

„You."

I passed him and angrily made my way back to my room.

That fucking idiot. I hated him. I hated every fucking thing about him.

He was the reason I left.

He was the reason I wanted all of this to end.

He was the reason I wished everyone in this god damn building did hate me.