i forgive you (y/ns pov)

Chapter 8: You don't get to buy her flowers

[Trigger warning: Death and grief]

The next few days went by quietly as I did not make my way out of my room at all. This whole situation sucked and I was annoyed about everything and everyone. I spend most of the time in bed – sleeping, reading, listening to music, staring at the blank walls. I stopped showering and didn't even get up to get food. Every once in a while there was a knock on my door and someone left a tray of food there. A few people tried to talk to me but I wouldn't open the door. Since I had the curtains closed, I usually didn't even know what time it was.

Then Thursday came around.

On Thursday I got up at a somewhat decent time, took a long and long overdue shower, brushed my teeth and got into some clean clothes.

I made my way over to find Tony.

„Hey, you look like a decent human being!"
He seemed happy to see me.

„Tony, I need you to do me a favor."

He went silent for a moment. I was neither my goofy old self nor the sarcastic new one. He noticed that something changed. He just couldn't name it.

„I need you to talk to Fury. It's Thursday and I really would love to go downtown."

I could tell from his look that he knew exactly why I was asking. Yet he shook his head.

„We have to inform Fury on your every move. He wants you to at least talk to Barnes before he's gonna allow anything."

„Come on! You know this is important!"
I begged.

But Tony shook his head.
„Even if I called Fury now, he wouldn't give in. As much as I'd love to help you with this, there is nothing I can do."

FUCK!

As I felt the anger rising again, I decided to hit the gym. It was empty and I was very relieved about that. I asked JARVIS to blast some aggressive heavy metal on full volume. I wrapped my hands and went straight to the punching bag.

For Fury.

For his stupid trap.

For this fucking arrest.

For Barnes.

One punch for every little thing that had accumulated.

I know I wasn't strong and I definitely wasn't in shape. But I needed this to vent my anger somewhere.

I stopped once I couldn't find any more new reasons to punch the bag for anymore and realized that my knuckles were swollen and bleeding. I went to the bathroom to clean up the wounds.

Back in my room I showered quickly and changed into something less sweaty when I heard Steves voice in front of my door.

„Come on", he encourage whoever was with him.
„Take it as a peace offering. She can't get mad at this. She's gonna love it."

A second later there was a knock at my door.

Curiously, I opened the door only to be disappointed with the sight of Barnes. He looked shyly at me.