Behind Closed Doors ✔️

31

I pull up Fernanda’s number on my phone and call her, but she doesn’t answer. I frown down at the screen before shuffling over the edge of my bed and look up at Tom. He was working on an assignment on his laptop. “Yo. Have you heard anything from Fernanda?” I asked him, but he only grimaced.

“Why would I have heard anything?” He moves his laptop out of the way, squinting at me. “She’s your best friend, mate. Plus, you’re shagging her brother, so…” He shrugged his shoulders. I glared at him. 

“Keep quiet about that.” I hissed at him. “I’m being serious, Thomas. I haven’t heard from her in weeks. I thought she was just busy and shit, but…” I shook my head. “There’s something else going on.” 

“Here’s an idea, Theodore.” Tom blinks at me. “Go to her fucking house, don’t shag her brother, and talk to her.” He said to me, a hint of sarcasticness in his voice, and I rolled my eyes. 

“She won’t answer her phone.” I frown, and he ignores me, focusing back on the laptop. I stare up at him. Recently, Tom has never been home. He’s always out and comes home at ridiculous times, and it’s been playing on my mind for a while. “Hey, Tom?” I speak up, and he groans, pulling his earphones out. 

“What now?” He huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. I raise an eyebrow. 

“The day you saw me and Antony, where did you go…?” I asked him, and he only frowned. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You didn’t stay home, so you had to go somewhere, right?” I asked him, sitting up in my bed. Tom clears his throat, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I… I stayed with a friend.” He tells me, and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“You didn’t have to. You could have slept in your bed, or, even on the sofa, or something.” I tell him, and he glances at me for a split second. 

“At the end of the day, it isn’t any of your business, is it?” Tom snaps, and I recoil back a little at his sharp tone. “Just forget it, alright?” He says, and I press my lips together in annoyance. I take a huge breath of air, composing myself before I slowly slip out of the bed. 

I shrug on my coat and wrap the woolly scarf around my neck. “Theo.” Thomas grumbles, but I ignored him. Instead, I ignored him and left the room, stuffing my phone into my pocket and rushing down the stairs. I heard my mother calling after me, but all I wanted to do was make sure my friend was alright. It’s not normal for her to not call me for two weeks, and last I checked, we hadn’t gotten into a fight about anything. 

-

I was walking up the stairs to the outside of Fernanda’s flat when I saw her walk past. She had a hood on and her hands were stuffed into the pockets and she sped past. I quickly skipped up the last few steps. “Fernanda?” I say, and she freezes, slowly turning around. Her eyes are wide and her skin is pale and it looks like she hasn’t eaten in days. 

“Theo.” She breathes, and her hair is dishevelled under the hood. “What are you doing here?” She asked, sniffling and rubbing the tip of her nose. I stare at her, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. I take a small step towards her and she stands a little straighter. 

“I haven’t…” I cleared my throat. “I haven’t seen you in a while.” I blinked at her, and she just stared back at me, her eyes glancing at the ground for a second. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” I tell her, and I notice how dry and cracked her lips were and how dark her under-eyes were. 

“I’m fine.” She says, but I obviously don’t believe her. I raise my eyebrow at her, and she gulps, rubbing the back of her hand over her mouth. “Is that all? I have to go.” She tells me, beginning to turn around. I step forward and wrap my fingers around her wrist, pulling her towards me. She huffs, staring up at me as I pull her hood off. 

“You look like absolute shit, Nanda.” I tell her, and she chuckles lightly, her eyes fluttering to a close. She sucks in a breath, her lips pressed tightly together. “Come on, Fernanda. Tell me what’s up.” I smile at her, and her breath shakes as she takes a step away from me, wrapping her arms around her body. 

“I just…” She licks her bottom lip. “I’ve had a few really shitty weeks.” She admitted, and I stayed silent, leaning on the railing opposite the flats. “Erm… I got a little depressed for a reason that I can’t even remember.” She tells me, sniffling loudly. I swallow the lump in my throat, feeling guilt brew in my stomach. 

I was so consumed by Antony, that I didn’t even notice that my best friend was hurting. I didn’t notice that she was going through a lot and getting her heart broken and dealing with so much pain, but I had ignored it all. I hadn’t paid attention to her, and her health got worse. I can’t help but blame myself for all of this. I’m such a shitty friend. 

“It’s not your fault.” Fernanda sighs, almost like she can read my emotions. I look up at her, her eyes darkening. “I just needed some time to myself, and I might still need time, but I’m getting better.” She shrugged her shoulders, and I huff before pulling her in for a hug, lightly kissing the top of her head. 

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled, rubbing her back. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Nanda.” I murmur into her hair, and she holds me tight, squeezing her eyes shut. Her face is buried in my chest and I lean my cheek onto her head, feeling so fucking angry at myself for not noticing how much my best friend was hurting.