Behind Closed Doors ✔️

38

College had finally restarted after the holidays. I slowly exit Thomas’s car, my body still recovering from the effects of the beating. “Remember what I told you, Theodore.” I hear Tom’s warnings from behind me, but I ignore him as I pull my hood onto my head and stuff my hands into the pockets of my joggers, bowing my head and walking into college. 

I’m walking through the halls, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone when I feel a hand on my forearm, and I’m turning around, meeting Fernanda’s eyes. She smiles hesitantly at me, and my eyes flicker all over her face as she pulls me to the side. “How are you?” She asked, but I only shrugged my shoulders, rubbing my eyes. “I just… thought I’d let you know that Antony’s home.” She tells me, gulping hesitantly. She can barely make eye contact with me, and her gaze is flickering all over the place. “So… yeah.” She swallows. 

I frown. “Nanda.” I say her name, and her eyes flutter to a close, her lips pressing together. “What’s going on? What are you not telling me?” I asked her, and her breath was shaky as she looked up at me. 

“Nothing.” She smiles hesitantly. “Nothing, I’m just… trying to come to terms with everything. My brother is… gay, and he’s… banging my best friend.” She sighs deeply. “It’s a lot to get my head around.” She still can’t make eye contact with me, but I ignore it, trusting that she’s not hiding anything from me. 

“You’ll be fine, just give it time.” I tell her, pressing my lips together. “How are you feeling, though? Any better?” I asked her, and she hums, shrugging her shoulders. 

“A little.” She sighs, and she wraps her fingers around my bicep as we walk through the hallway, making our way to our first lesson of the day. “I’m taking it day-by-day, you know?” She tells me, and I pull her closer to me, pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head. 

-

“What did Fernanda say to you?” Thomas asks as I enter the living room, dropping my bag onto the sofa. He was sitting in the armchair, his arms crossed over his chest. I ignored his remarks, walking past him. “Come on, Theo, I know you spoke to her at college, I’m not thick.” He snickers, and I stop, blinking at him. 

“Nothing.” I tell him, shrugging my shoulders. “I’m staying away from her, like you told me to.” I lied, and it may have been the solemn expression on my face that sold it to him. “Since you’re my fucking keeper now, I’ve got to listen to everything you tell me, right?” I tilt my head at him, and he scoffs, laughing lightly. 

“You know, Theodore, you’re really fucking dramatic sometimes.” He chuckles, but I only stand there, glaring at him. I know he can’t stop me from seeing Fernanda or Antony, but in the back of my heart, I know this whole situation will blow up in my face. It already has. And I fear that the worst is yet to come. 

I know that if I do see him, it’ll hurt me more than anything else. It’ll break me, and I’m not sure I would put myself back together after that. I wouldn’t survive it. 

“I’m not being dramatic, Tom.” I say quietly, before walking off into the kitchen and grabbing the last alcoholic beverage from the fridge. I walked back into the living room to where Thomas was still sitting in the armchair. “You got any weed?” I asked him, and he sighs frustratingly before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a blunt, handing it to me. I silently thank him and grab the lighter from the wooden, old coffee table and light the edge. 

I collapse onto the sofa, taking a drag of the joint before blowing the smoke into the air. My eyes flutter to a close just as Thomas pulls out his phone. We both sit in silence, and all the feelings of the past week break down on me. It feels as though I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders, and the person who helped with the load has gone. Disappeared. It’s slowly breaking me and I’m not sure how I’ll get through this.