Ineffable - S.REID

55

・゜゜・．THREE YEARS LATER .・゜゜・

Spencer had waited until January to take the Alzheimer's test that he had waited to take for so long. He wanted to do it on his birthday, just to get it out of the way, but there were a lack of appointments and he didn't want the results to ruin Clara's birthday. Then there was their daughter's birthday and Christmas, all of which pushed back the date he chose. Clara and Spencer went to the appointment together and she held his hand the entire time, trying desperately to keep her cool even though nerves had goosebumps forming down her spine. She focused her attention on the wedding ring on his hand that was clasped around hers. Despite the general nicks and scratches from wear and tare, it was the perfect piece of jewellery. It looked so natural on his hand and the sight of it made her stomach flip, even now. Clara especially loved the engraving on the inside, the words only the two of them would ever know about. He had been quiet ever since the appointment and even though he put on a face of joy for their kids, she could see the falsities behind it clearly.

Clara walked into their bedroom after tucking in Maya for the second time that night, she wasn't sleeping well at the moment, and found herself cast in darkness. She frowned softly at the sight of him just staring at the ceiling, book cast aside as his inability to focus took over. As she slipped under the covers next to him, she switched on the lamp at her bedside. He relaxed visibly as he registered the light and even more when she laced her fingers with his under the covers. She whispered, "Spence?"

He turned his head towards her just slightly, gaze still fixed upon the patterns on the ceiling. "Ara," he whispered back, voice horace with both physical and mental exhaustion.

"Tell me," she responded, pausing for just a second. "I can hear your mind moving."

He chuckled softly at her tone of voice whilst lifting his arm, creating room for her to move into. She smiled and tucked into her usual place and position, head resting against his chest whilst his hand traced the tattoo on her hip. "I'm just scared," he responded softly and she could feel the sadness within his eyes. "I don't want to forget you... Or the kids or our life together."

"Have we ever watched the notebook?" she asked, glad that he could not see the look within her eyes or the tears that pricked at them.

"No."

"It's basically a movie that depicts an old man telling his wife, who's in a home for Alzheimers, the story of their lives together every single day. From start to finish and all the things that occur in between, the good and the bad. Now it's not my favourite movie but the main idea is incredibly beautiful. I'm completely prepared to do that for you, if it happens."

"I can't ask you to do that," he responded, head nestled in her hair.

"You haven't," she replied with a smile even though he could not see it. "I'd do anything for you. Including that."

Spencer shuffled slightly and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Clara moved then, lifting her head off his chest and turning up towards him. Their lips connected just as a small knick rattled at their door. She laughed softly against his lips then sat up properly. "Come in Bambina," she called, recognising the knock instantly.

The door opened slowly, a loud creak echoing through the room. Spencer stood as their daughter walked into the room, one hand clasped around her blanket and the other holding onto the door handle. He scooped up their three year old, kissing her cheek gently as he brought her to their bed. "There's a scary man in my room," Maya complained sleepily as she moved towards her Mother, seeking the comfort only she could give.

"Is there?" Spencer asked quickly, his mind instantly going into protective dad mode whilst Clara remained in intrigue. She had seen this enough times in her younger cousins to know how the conversation went.

She smiled reassuringly and asked. "What did he look like Bambina?"

"He was muddy and said sorry."

Clara looked up to Spencer, communicating only with her eyes even though he already knew what had occured. "Did he?"

"He also said to tell you that he loves you Mama," Maya paused but grinned cheekily as she continued the story. "But not as much as he loves me. But shooosh I not supposed to tell you that."

Clara smiled and attempted to hold back her tears but failed miserably. Spencer saw the look in her eyes and quickly scooped up Maya, taking her attention away from the conversation. "Why don't you go wake your brother and ask him to make you cocoa?"

Maya grinned at the idea, her dimples showing clearly on her cheeks. She jumped up, climbed off of the bed and ran out of the bedroom with her blankie still in hand. "Enzo! Enzo!" she yelled, her excited voice echoing down the corridor towards her brother's room.

"He's going to hate you for that," Clara muttered as she laughed softly, whipping away her tears quickly with the sleeve of her pyjama top.

"I figured you needed a moment," he replied whilst tucking her hair behind her ears. Clara cried tears of joy for just a moment until the radio downstairs switched on and the sound of Enzo fighting with the kitchen cupboard filled her ears. The laughter fueled from that kitchen was enough to warm both their hearts and take Spencer's mind off the test results for just long enough that he could fall asleep.

The next morning, Clara awoke to a cold bed and for a second panicked that she hadn't woken up early enough to be there with him for his phone call results. When she sat up and saw him pacing at the foot of their bed, relief momentarily flooded through her body. But when he turned so she could not see his face, she assumed the worst and felt her stomach twist into untangleable knots. He hung up the phone, placed it on the dresser opposite then turned around towards her. "Negative," he whispered, disbelief widening his eyes.

She froze as the knots began to untangle, "Are you serious?"

He nodded and grew a dimpled smile. Clara took that as enough confirmation and jumped out of bed, not caring for the cold snap that hit her body, and launched herself into his arms. "You're going to remember," she spoke softly, chin resting on his shoulder as he held her a lot tighter than she did.

"Well it's not entirely conclusive, there's still risks and it could-"

"Spence," she whispered, taking his jaw in her hand to cut him off from the ramble completely. Now she hated doing so, as his rambles were of such importance to his personality, but this particular ramble would not help his emotional state right now. "You're going to remember. I know it."

He found himself unable to tear his haze away from hers. The look within her eyes was entirely truthful with no hint of worry, she genuinely believed it. And that was generally all he needed to be convinced, though in this circumstance it was slightly different. He whispered, "I don't think that's how it works."

"Hey blind faith has mystical powers," she smiled as convincingly as possible."Believe it and it shall occur."

He hesitated then slowly she watched a smile form on his lips, the smile that he should have possessed the second that he got the results he had been waiting so long for. "I'll remember you and everything forever," he replied after briefly clearing his throat and therefore mind of all the worry. He kissed her this time, passionately and as if he made it its job to remember the exact curve of her lips and how they felt against his. Not that he didn't already know her and her body like the back of his hand, it just seemed necessary at that very moment.

He cleared his throat of its immediate hoarseness and simply didn't know what else to say. Once again, as she had done so on so many occasions, Clara rendered Spencer speechless. "Breakfast?" he asked casually and smiled brightly at her gentle laughter. She took his hand, laced their fingers together and the two of them walked down to eat breakfast in the quiet of the morning as they always did before anyone else woke up. They had started the tradition after the adoption papers for Enzo had gone through and would continue to do so even after Maya had left the house. It was a tradition that would stick with them through time and all circumstances, forever.

And forever with her? Well that was ineffable.