The Thorn To My Rose

How many times can one say Oh shit ?

Rosies POV: 

" I . Fucking . Knew . It" Aaron said. 

I am wide eyed and I remember the position that me and Damon are currently in. It looked questionable. 

" Aaron not here " Damon said but it was cut off by a pissed off Aaron who was currently seething. 

" How long have you been fucking?" he said coldly. Damon pushed out of the way and told him to follow him. I knew I should go after him but Damon had his hand on my face and told me to go see my dad. I was about to explain everything to Aaron but he was starting to come at us once again, 

Flinching but the blow never came because Damon pushed Angry Aaron once more before nodding at me and walked out and grabbed Aaron to pull him away. 

Aaron had grabbed my arm and yanked it but Damon grabbed it and put Aaron in a headlock. 

Aaron was extremely pissed now and was starting to cuss really loud and shout out at me. Damon urged me to go all while he is holding Aaron back and that's when I ran. I didn't even wait for the elevator to come down. I took the stairs. 

Anything I can do to get away from Aaron right now. I can still hear my name being yelled down the hall and I started to book it up towards the doors to the stairwell. 

Finally reaching the floor to my dads hallway I let out a long overdue breath and tears were now clouding my vision full force now. I wanted to go home at this point. I knew Uncle Jake would take Aiden home but I don't want him to see me like this. 

I still don't know what I look like right now. I know when he smacked me I had bit my lip. I am sure i have a busted lip but I am sure that my face will still have a red hand print across my cheek. 

During the bully incident back in New York, It was a lot easier to hide it from my parents. Only because they were always busy with the company and the hospital. I think my dads secretary kind of figured something was up but I don't think I do much of a good job keeping him in the dark anyways. 

I know I was going to have to see my dad before I made my way back home but my feet stayed glued on the spot. 

My feelings were crumbling and I have no idea what to do. Contemplating if I should just sit here and cry my eyes out or hold everything and shove it deep down until I turn numb once again. 

I chose the ladder. My phone suddenly rang in my back pocket, checking the who was calling, seeing Aarons name across the screen. 

I turned off my phone for good measure and reminded myself that I should delete and block that number. Not like that would do much considering he knew where I lived and I still saw him at school. 

Right now I had the right to be angry. Angry at him for hurting me. The one person I found comfort in being around on a daily basis was now a tainted remainder that I can't trust love. 

I thought I knew well what that word meant. 

I don't recall love meaning switching your whole personality because of some decade old secret. 

I don't recall love consisting gaslighting your child and making her feel like she is utterly alone in the world. 

I now view love as 

Abandonment

Heartbreak

Rejection 

Numb. 

Careful Rosie, Your mommy issues are showing. I mentally scolded myself. I don't know what to do at this point. I know at some point I will not let it bother me as much as it does now but I am living in the present. I am taking it one day at a time. 

And right now at this moment. I don't want to handle it. I hate this feeling and I can almost hear my dad and my uncle Jake telling me that "everything will be just fine." 

But when? When will everything be "Just Fine". When can I escape bullying, When can I finally stop cutting. When can I stop feeling worthless. When can I meet someone that would give me the love I crave for and give me that meaning.  

When can I breathe? 

When, When, WHEN?! 

" Heavy is the head that wears the crown" 

A crown I never wanted. A crown that is pushing me past my breaking point. A crown that carries the burden of everyone. I didn't ask for it. I grew up a happy child. Who knew that her mom was her safety net. Who was excited to grow up and take on new adventures. 

But that little girl HAD to grow up even when she still needed things. HAD to wear a crown that was still too big to fit her head. That little girl is now replaced with a girl that has scars, secrets, and heartbreak. 

I am tired of chanting every night before I go to sleep " it's a new dawn, it's a new day." like it's a spell. I am tired of looking in the mirror and barely recognizing myself more and more as each day pass. 

I am just tired. I hadn't even realized that I was walking. I was so lost in my thoughts that when I came back to reality. I was on top of the rooftop of the hospital. 

Looking over the view and smelling the fresh air calmed me down a little. 

My intrusive thoughts were coming to surface and it was scaring me. 

" Do you want to know what it feels like to fly? it was saying. 

" You should just jump and end all of this pain, it said. 

At this point I was certain that my intrusive thoughts were not my own. The devil was on my shoulder and feeding me this negativity. Struggling to breathe, taking quick and fast breaths to try to calm the heavy rhythm that is beating against my chest. 

" Do it " 

" Jump " 

Climbing up on top of the scaling of the rooftop. 

" Close your eyes, you won't feel a thing, isn't that what you want?" 

Shaking my head no I still find my body reacting to my thoughts, Its moving on its own and I am scared. 

Trying to scream but nothing is coming out and tears are clouding my vision. 

" Do it." It said once again. 

" You'll feel better when you do." 

I am gripping onto the railing. White knuckled and hyperventilating. 

" Do it." 

Feeling my eyes get heavier and my face drenched. Hoping that someone is going to come and save me from this. 

Not having the strength to hang on much longer. My prayers were answered. I felt something or someone grabbing my waist and that's when everything went silent. 

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A/N

Sorry it took so long to upload! Disclaimer This chapter can be triggering to some viewers. If you feel uncomfortable reading it then I will see you on the next chapter. Suicide is not often talked about and I know that it can be a hard topic for some. I myself have had these thoughts. I just want you to know that you are not alone. it may feel like you are at the moment but I mean it when I say that the world is better because you are still here. 

I hope everyone stays safe and know that you are never alone. You are important, you are loved, you are safe. 

I love you guys and I hope you keep reading. 

I will update soon!