Just Lovers [WooSan]

013

San 

It felt like I had been stabbed in the gut. 

I went to the only place I could when I got like this. 

I showed up on his door, feeling like I was a second away from breaking down. I didn't know if he'd answer or if he was even here but I so desperately needed him. 

It took longer then it should've before the front door opened and Hongjoong stood there. "Come on." He said, like he already knew that I wasn't okay. 

I walked into his house, there being no sign of the party from the yesterday. 

He led me to the kitchen and without a word he went through the freezer before he pulled out an ice cube an went over to me, tapping my chin to make me open my mouth. Hesitantly I did so and he put it in, shutting my mouth around it. 

The cold was like a shock to the mind, which was exactly the point. 

"Do you really need to come over for an ice cube?" He asked, a humorous glint in his eyes. 

He always liked to tease me for running to him whenever I couldn't handle something. 

The truth is, my anxiety used to be way worse. I used to have anxiety attacks on the daily and I felt like I was so close to dying all the time. He helped me regulate them and now I rarely had them unless they were triggered. 

Which may have been why I felt like I owed him as much as I did. 

Because without him, I wouldn't have been able to live my life. 

Once the ice cube had melted completely, I felt like I could speak. "I'm sorry for bothering you." 

"I always have time for you." He showed me a smile and I understood why people thought he was so dangerous. "What do you want, Sanie?" 

"Nothing I can get from you." I said and I didn't know where it came from. 

I didn't like the games he played.

It was pretty clear he was manipulating me from the start, but I just stuck with him because it never hurt me. 

Despite saying something I usually never would, his smile only widened like he was delighted with my answer. 

"Good boy." He said, patting my head and then moving far enough away that I could leave. "I hope you enjoyed your ice cube." 

It only made it worse because he knew me. 

And he knew I wouldn't leave because I still wasn't okay enough to. An ice cube wasn't enough to calm the pain I felt inside. Even if it was somehow bearable where my anxiety wasn't always on my mind, it still felt crippling. 

"Why do you all treat me like this?" I whispered. 

He raised his eyebrows in question. "Like what?" 

I didn't know how to explain it but it bothered me. "You, Seonghwa, Wooyoung and Yunho. You all treat me more than just a friend." 

"Have you considered that you're a very easy person to love?" He tilted his head to push his point. 

"Then...then why don't you?" I was so sick of it. "Why do you guys treat me like this but never do anything more?"