Just Lovers [WooSan]

020

San 

"I fucking told you to stay away from him you dipshit." Hana muttered when she found me dissociating again.

This time I felt paralyzed. 

Trapped inside my own mind. 

I was fully aware and I could see her but I couldn't tell my brain to make my body move. I felt tears prick at my eyes at the panic I felt in my gut. I couldn't tell her what I wanted but she figured it out pretty quickly on her own. 

She tightly gripped my hand in her own. "Try to squeeze my hand, okay?" 

The tears slipped down my cheeks. It took all of the willpower I had to apply even a fraction of the pressure I needed to, to get her attention. She waited with me patiently the whole time, waiting until I could do as she asked. 

"Good. Keep tightening your grip." She instructed. 

It was torture to try and force myself to move. I slammed my axe repeatedly against the wall my brain had created. I swung full force every time, only chipping the stone away at an agonizingly slow pace. 

I wasn't sure how long she sat there with me, waiting for me to be able to squeeze her hand with more force but she never complained about how long of a time I was taking. It didn't make me feel much better to know how much of a burden I was to her. 

"You're doing great. Can you try and move your fingers?" It was the tiniest bit easier to move my fingers now that I had focused so hard on squeezing her hand. 

It relieved some of the pressure I felt and my body lost some of it's tension. 

"Do you want to try and stand?" She asked. 

I already felt so drained and I wished I could just tell her to leave me here. It wasn't worth her energy spent on me just to have me sit here like a statue. 

"I'm going to take that as a yes." She smiled at me and grabbed my other hand to stand in front of me. She pressed the toe of her boots against my shoes and she tightened her grip on me. "I'm going to pull you up. Don't fall on me. I can't hold you. Well, I probably could but I don't want to." 

She gave me a minute and then with all of her strength, she pulled me off the couch and then balanced me. I had no idea how I didn't fall on my face but I knew I would've if she wasn't there holding me. 

"Baby's first steps. Lets go!" She wrapped my arm over her shoulder and let me lean my weight into her. 

It was extremely embarrassing how I genuinely couldn't walk on my own. There was a reason why I usually tried to live with people and it was because of moments like these. 

I stumbled multiple times but she caught me every time. 

"I'm sorry." I finally managed to speak even if it came out as just a whisper that I wasn't even sure she heard. 

"You used to help me during all of my mental breakdowns. I'm pretty sure this is a lot better than dealing with a crazy bitch who is setting fire to things." She offered me a smile. 

"I feel like such a burden." I continued to whisper. 

"Well, you're not. Cause that means I don't want to deal with you and honestly I have no problem helping you." 

I continued to tremble and trip over my own feet but she continued to walk me around her apartment until I was sure I could stand on my feet. I was so drained and in so much pain that after a while I had to sit down again. 

It was a constant reminder to not zone out again so I didn't get locked in my own body. There was a knock on the door so Hana left me for a moment to go check it. 

I watched her expectantly but she stood there, looking dumbfounded. 

"Who is it?" I asked. 

She hesitantly moved aside and Mihi came in. "I wanted to see you and you wouldn't answer your phone so." 

Hana was breathing hard and her eyes fell to the ground. I forced myself to stand up. "We can talk somewhere else. Did you bring your car?" 

She nodded. 

"Good. Are you okay if we go?" I said to Hana. She nodded but didn't look up from the ground. I squeezed her shoulder but followed Mihi out. "You couldn't have waited until I called you back?" 

Mihi didn't say anything, she just continued to walk. 

She only noticed when she noticed how far behind I was. "Did you fuck up your leg? Why are you so slow?" 

"Anxiety attack." I said casually like it wasn't a big deal and I definitely wasn't absolutely petrified. 

"Where's Yunho and Mingi?" I asked. 

"They're going to watch a movie." She said. 

"Without you?" I said. 

She stayed silent and I was completely puzzled but she opened my old apartment door and let me in. I had no idea what was going on because she wouldn't fucking talk to me. 

"Stay here until you guys talk your shit out." She said and I gave her a confused look. 

What the fuck was she talking about? 

I turned behind me and then everything made sense. 

Wooyoung stood there with wide eyes like he also had no idea what was going on. 

"I have a date to get to." She bowed slightly and then ducked out of the apartment, shutting the door behind her. 

I stared at it for a couple of minutes in absolute disbelief. 

"What a bitch." 

I heard a laugh and I turned to look at Wooyoung who was trying and failing miserbly to hold his laughter in.

"I had no idea she was doing this. She said she was going to grab some lunch." He said, immediately going on the defense. 

If he was telling the truth then I couldn't exactly blame him for being here or me being brought here. "Why is she doing this? I thought she wanted us to stay away from each other?"

His eyebrows jotted up. "She also gave you the same talk, huh?" I stared at him warily. I didn't like this set up at all. "Can we talk?" 

"What do you want to talk about, Wooyoung?" I said, feeling tired. 

"Just...just give me thirty minutes. That's all I ask is for thirty minutes to explain myself. After that you can leave and I'll leave you alone. I'll stop bothering you and you can move on. Please." I had never seen him like this before, so vulnerable and pleading. 

"Okay. Okay. I'll listen." I went over to the chair I usually used to claim and I sat down. "Talk."