Just Lovers [WooSan]

019

Wooyoung 

"I wonder what that mouth would look like around my dick." 

"You can't wear something like that and expect for me to do nothing!" 

"I bet you'd sound amazing screaming my name instead of using that mouth to talk about boring shit." 

"You act all innocent but we both know you're a slut." 

"Stop complaining that people don't see you as more than anything then a cumslut when you sleep around all the time." 

"It doesn't hurt, you're overexaggerating. Just take my dick like the dumb bitch you are." 

"Stop being so dramatic." 

"I don't know why you're worried about your drink when your face is enough protection on it's own." 

....

"I'm in love with you." 

"What's on your mind?" Mihi asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. 

I looked up at her, realizing I zoned out and I was just standing there like an idiot. 

"Nothing, I'm sorry. I'm just a little out of it, I guess." I said and she nodded as she handed me a water. "You, Mingi and Yunho are all together, right?" 

"Yep." Her lips popped on the "p". She usually sounded always the tiniest bit defensive when it was brought up because most people didn't want to even try and understand polyamory relationships. 

It made her get hit on ten times more now that people knew that she wasn't in a "real" relationship, or that she could just "cheat" whenever she wanted to. 

Which was a bit ridiculous cause now she had two boyfriends who could beat the shit out of assholes, let alone her having the ability to floor someone if she wished. 

"But you have a lot of...insecurities. How does that work?" I said. 

"Double the communication." She let out a tired sigh then smiled at me. "Which I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love both of them to death. It's just...it took a long time to get over the idea that I was just ruining what they had. Or I was the third wheel to their relationship. I guess I was just willing to trust them enough to love me even through all of my bullshit. What's this about?" 

I stayed quiet for a minute and her eyes searched mine. Her smile dropped. 

"Wooyoung-" 

"I know. I know, it's just...I can't help but think about it. He told me he was in love with me." I admitted, giving her a grim look. 

She let out a small gasp but then she stood up straighter and folded her arms. "How are you doing with that?" 

I melted at her softness, even when she was serious with me, she was still so gentle and I needed it to survive. "I think...I know I love him too. It's the reason I fucked up in the first place because I realized it was never casual. I miss him so much, but I just don't know if I can let myself be loved.' 

"It's not easy. I shouldn't do this..." She frowned, looking frustrated with herself. "I told you to stay away from him but annoyingly I care about your dumbass too. It's not that I don't want you happy, Wooyoung. I just don't think I can trust your ability to let yourself be happy. Wanting it is one thing. Doing it is entirely different. I don't know how I'm supposed to continue seeing San hurt but..." She scoffed. "You guys have gotten so tangled up with each other that he's fucked up either way! I don't know why you think you're the fucked up one and he's the perfect Choi San, but he's not. His kindness and his gentleness does not reflect on how damaged he is. You should know that because I'm your friend. So I'm going to tell you this and I'm going to regret it immediately after." 

"What?" 

"Talk to him you fucking idiot!" She snapped. "Tell him how you feel! All of it. Tell him why you're fucked up and why you're doing what you're doing. Tell him that you love him. Tell him everything, because even if he doesn't forgive you...at least you stopped being a coward. Tell him because then he'll be able to tell you about himself. And maybe it won't make you feel so alone."

I let out a long breath but nodded. "I have to be able to see him first." 

"I'll take care of that. You fucking owe me, big time! If you hurt him again, I swear to god I'm mounting your head on a spike. Figure your shit out and take a fucking chance or you'll never be happy." 

"You know, you're a lot harsher to me nowadays." 

"Yeah well, that's what happens when you break my boy's heart. It pisses me off." She slapped my shoulder and then grabbed her bag. "Don't fuck up or I'll fuck you up!" She spun around, wearing a glowing smile before she dipped out of the room. 

This was the last chance she was giving me and I didn't want to ruin it. 

I wasn't sure I could live without San. At least not while being happy. He had been inside me and now he lived there, even when he wasn't by my side. He lived in my bloodstream, he wore my skin and he had carved his named into my heart with his knife. 

I wasn't living without him.