Shades of Sepia

XI

Beyoncé Giselle Knowles
August 1st
Houston, Texas

"Solange says you have a new girlfriend."

Those were my mama's first words. After an hour and a half of rummy, that's what my mama wanted to talk about. That was alright. I loved to talk about Onika.

"Your daughter always has her mouth open. She never knows how to be quiet."

"You weren't going to tell me?"

"Wanted to actually get somewhere with her, wanted to make sure I wasn't wasting my time."

"And you're sure you aren't?"

I shrugged, "You can never actually be sure, but I'm at a space where I don't really mind."

She was smiling, a slew of memories on her tongue. Today was such a good day for her. I wished every day was like this for her, but days like this were a rarity.

"That's almost exactly what your daddy said about me. Did he tell you that?"

"I think I remember some of those words."

"How'd you meet?"

"She's Sierra's best friend. Solange's girlfriend."

"Would you like to tell me about her?"

I nodded and put my cards on the table, face down, "When people tell me to explain, I always get all choked up. She's an extraordinary woman. She's bright and she's funny and feisty as ever. In some ways she reminds me of you. She likes to cook for me and make life easier for me when I hit the house for the night."

"Does she stay with you?"

"She might as well."

With Onika, it was like we fell into this peaceful pattern without ever having to say much. After a hard day, she was there, always. She laid my burdens down like they were never there in the first place. She spoke life into me when I felt like there was none left and she listened when need be. Sometimes, when I felt there was no one in the office that I could relate to, she came to me, and she let me run my big mouth until I was done venting. Then she went back to her internship.

She made me realize a lot in this short time. It was different than speaking to my sister, obviously. There was nothing like my woman speaking life into me then allowing me to lay life inside her.

It would be a surprise to no one to know that I was in love, and honestly, for me, it was love at first sight. I never believed in that before. I never believed those old heads when they told stories of the person they'd been with for decades. But now I could understand them. I just knew.

And that didn't mean it wasn't hard. It seemed like the deeper I indulged with Onika, the more temptation came at me. It became increasingly harder by the day, but I continued to remind myself that temporary satisfaction had nothing on what we shared.

Women were everywhere. Beautiful, open, free woman... but they weren't Onika. And disappointing her didn't stop with her. My sister. Her best friend.

None of the disappointment was worth it.

"You should bring her."

"Maybe one day," I answered quickly, just so I wouldn't hurt her, but I didn't know about that.

I hated to be afraid of the consequences, but I didn't want to bring my lady knowing there was a chance that she could have a bad experience. I wanted them to meet in a good way, on a level playing field, but I couldn't control it, and every bone in my body hated that.