Shades of Sepia

XXIV

Onika Tanya Maraj
March 15th
Houston, Texas

"I really don't want to talk about Beyoncé again."

"Well that's what I'm talking about so listen or don't."

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my wine as I watched her cut up vegetables.

"It's literally been a month. She is going crazy. She can barely focus."

"What she is is a liar. She could focus very well when she was lying to my face, again. No amount of time separated is going to change that."

"People make mistakes. She made some mistakes, cut her some slack. She loves you and she misses you."

I stayed silent, my Van Cleefs dancing on my wrist. I should have taken them off, and I'd been tempted to do so, but I couldn't. I hated her for lying to me again and again, but these weren't coming off.

"How's the pregnancy going for you?"

She sucked her teeth, "I'll let you change the conversation now, but we are going to talk about it."

"Pregnancy. How is it?"

"Wonderful but confusing at the same time. Sometimes I find myself being so mean to Solange out of nowhere, and I can't take it back after. I always feel horrible but she takes it. She lets me curse her out, smiling and nodding until I finish. She makes this pregnancy a lot easier."

"I'm so happy for you Si, you deserve every bit of that happiness."

"You do too but you won't give Beyoncé a chance."

"Oh my God," I mumbled under my breath before completely drinking the wine in my glass, filling it up one more time.

"Nic seriously."

"She had two chances and she blew it both times. I don't think so."

"She's sorry and she misses you so much."

"Of course she misses me, I'm not the one who keeps on lying. That's her."

"So you're never going to give her a chance again?"

"If I said I knew, I would be lying. That would make me just as bad as Beyoncé right?"

"You still sound so angry and I'm not saying you shouldn't be, but you obviously still love her. You're still thinking about her. Stop pretending."

"Nobody's pretending. The only reason I'm talking about her is because you keep bringing her up."

"Because you keep lying and trying to push it down."

"Oh now I'm the liar."

"You know what I mean," She turned around and faced me, coming over to the island where I now sat. "I've never seen you act like this after a break up, and I don't even know if this counts as a break up. You don't even know if this counts as a break up. You don't wanna talk about it because you don't know."

"I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to be reminded that the woman that continuously fights to be by my side is a liar. I don't want to think about the fact that the last year of my life has been a complete lie. You know it's almost been a year? And yet here we are, dealing with the same shit when all she had to do was tell me the fucking truth. What's so hard about that? She claims to love me so much but she can't seem to stop lying to me. How can I be with someone like that?"

"So you're done with her?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"That's not fair."