Shades of Sepia

XXXIV

Onika Tanya Maraj
May 15th
Houston, Texas

"Look," Solange showed Beyoncé a picture from the pile of polaroid pictures sitting in our living room.

Sierra and I watched from the kitchen.

"You think they're okay?" I whispered. I could see what I was seeing with my eyes, but I needed to be sure. I had been worried about these two, these three for a month. Our babies were going to come out as twins, just like our girls.

I'd tried my best to exhaust every resource at my disposal to help my wife. I held onto her every night that she woke up in a cold sweat, dreaming about Ms. Tina. I was by her side planning the funeral and right up front at the funeral. I wanted to show her that I would be here for her in anything she went through, for the rest of our lives. I wanted her to know that her money meant absolutely nothing to me. I was devoted to her and her only, and I would hold onto my wife until she was stable, no matter how long it took.

She would do the same for me. She would do more.

"I don't know. I've been asking myself the same question and I still don't know the answer."

"They're smiling," I tried to rationalize this. "It's been so long since I saw a genuine smile from either of them."

Sierra nodded, "They need each other. No matter how much they like to lie and say they don't."

"They're the only ones that share the same hurt."

"Solange isn't angry anymore."

I looked over at her and my best friend was on the verge of tears.

"What Si?"

"She was so mean and I understand but she was so damn mean Nic. I didn't even recognize her. I had to leave her sometimes because I couldn't take it."

I felt for my best friend. Nobody ever told you when you fell this hard for someone, you will take their abuse because of that love. You love them anyway. You love them through because they need you and they were human too. Sometimes that's what love was.

I wrapped my arms around Sierra and we swayed. I attempted to take away all of her pain, or at least some of it.

"Babe come look!" Beyoncé shouted and there was a happiness in her voice that I hadn't heard in a minute. I was excited for her, for them both because though I knew this was a wound that wouldn't heal, they were comfortable talking about her and talking to us.

I held Sierra's hand into the living room where we both took a seat on their laps. Beyoncé sat back against the couch with one hand on my belly, the other holding out a picture of toddler versions of her and Solange, in the middle of an argument. Per usual.

"Y'all are gonna be old as fuck arguing."

"If that damn girl would stop trying me, we wouldn't have to argue. She starts with me every single time."

Solange mimicked her sister, "Yap, yap, yap. That's all you do."

"You see what I'm talking about? That hoe's mouth is reckless."

"Now I'm a hoe when I say something she don't like. Who's really starting with who?"

I was ecstatic to see them arguing, honestly, and Sierra felt the same. She had fallen right back into her love for Solange, caressing the opposing side of her face while she spoke. I'm sure she felt the mistreatment was worth it, or at least she understood it, because I felt the same.

I felt Beyoncé's love all over again, and I had missed it for so long that I feared it had all went away. I felt like maybe since her mother was gone, all of that love had transferred and it too was gone, but again, I was in love anyway, and regardless of the outcome, I would love her through. Luckily it wasn't all in vain.