I just nodded and looked at him again. He was very muscular, more than on the pictures and more handsome too. The sharp jawline was especially visible in the dim lights of the bar place.
-You are very beautiful.
He said suddenly looking at the gla...
The rest of the trip was boring as hell. I was like a fire between 2 girls fighting every second hour. Mina and Lisa were inside of their own worlds figuring places to visit and things to buy.
I was somewhere far away from the country, dreaming about sleepless nights over the soul that touched me so much. I was so inconsistent in my thoughts that it made me break into several parts.
Lisa was trying to convince me to go to some fan meeting in Seoul in several weeks, she signed up to. I tried to refuse her and leave the topic but she was still sad. The arguments were throwing into my face about the decisions I made. I just ignored everything.
They didn't open the topic of that guy, leaving me to be. They got that I needed some time to adjust myself.
I was sitting in the airport in my favourite sportswear and reading again the lines of the man who took my heart to Korea.
"I just landed, I am so tired, but looking at our art. It's pretty."
"I am at home for a weekend, thinking about you."
"I want my dog to meet you."
I ignored all the heartwarming messages since then.
I knew it would be better for both of us. It was painful to be insincere to him as his pureness was the best thing I met in my life, but I was doing it for both of us and it looked like a monologue. I wanted to sent him some answer, of how I miss him or that I'm wanting to go fanlight, but it was useless. He has a career to focus on, rather than drama in his life. I decided to be stronger for him and never replied to any messages he sent me.
There were a lot of them, pictures of him and members, dog and some paintings.
He felt that I was trying to distance and when I arrived home the messages were sent rarely.
I felt bad.
My flat was my safe place for so long. I missed it so much. Now it felt as an alien planet mixed with wild scent of loneliness.
I placed at my casual place near the window opening the frozen bottle of vodka.
-I am so sorry, Jinnie.
I said and a tears appeared at the corner of my eyes, and I felt that feeling again, to run and destroy myself.
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The photos, I made there with him were watched every single evening, I ended up messed up.
My work was a safe place for me now, I added hours and took additional clients to sink myself in the real world.
I couldn't even hook up with a man somewhere, it made no sense for me anymore.
The next weeks I ignored any messages from my friend trying to rescue my time but I said I was busy, another evening by the window, with a glass of alcohol, I felt myself in my pyjamas as the most fragile figure in the world.
