The Shadow That Smiled At Me

Chapter eighteen

We arrived at the school. Students in beautiful gowns and in suits were already coming to the school building. Apparently, we're not going as late as I thought. The waning sun hovered low over the horizon, gradually sinking behind it. The sky turned yellow and orange. Still, warm rays bathed the landscape in golden light. Tufts of clouds, like cotton candy, floated on these golden rivers. All the beauty of the dying day was gradually swallowed up by pitch-black darkness. The first stars were rising to their rightful place in the sky.

Vincent nudged me, snapping me out of my reverie. "Are we going?" he asked me, waving his head towards the entrance.

"Of course," I replied.

Honestly, just thinking about all those hypocrites gathered in one place, in there, makes me want to run away. I don't even really have anything to complain about, I lie and play games myself, so how can I know they don't either? Everything is just a game and we never know if someone is telling us the truth or presenting a perfect illusion.

We walked down a long corridor, lined with rows of white and blue lockers, to the gym, which had been transformed into a ballroom for tonight. A soft blue light illuminated the entire room. A disco ball hanging from the ceiling cast scattered rays. Garlands in shades of blue were hanging all around. Blue, white and silver balloons covered the ground. Along one entire wall was a table of snacks, small snacks to nibble on, and supposedly soft drinks that everyone knew were diluted with a lot of alcohol, or better said, alcohol diluted with a little something else. There were several tables around for those who were tired, bored or lonely. On the stage, the DJ had his desk set up and played music of various genres. In front of all this, students were dancing on the dance floor; at least they called it dancing. When the rhythm was fast, they jumped to its melody, when the song was slow, they just leaned from side to side in an embrace. The teachers were watching from behind, pretending that they would be able to stop any mischief that would happen.

The melody slowed down into a classic waltz. Vincent turned to me. "Shall we dance?" He offered me his shoulder, which I warmly accepted.

He took me to the dance floor. Put his hands on my hips, I on his shoulders. He looked at me with a look full of tenderness and we started to dance. Rather, we just stomped from foot to foot and spun around in circles. It hurt my back. It's definitely not like dancing with Samael. With him it's like flying, as if gravity doesn't exist. I feel so light with him. With him, my heart beats so hard that I feel like it will jump out of my chest and take on a life of its own. The way he spins me around and pulls me violently back to his chest. The way he seductively whispers words I don't understand in my ear. Nothing compares to dancing with him. No one can match him. He got under my skin and even deeper.

"What are you thinking about?" Vincent asked me. He caught me off guard with that sudden question.

"Nothing," I answered.

"Liar." he smiled as if he knew how often I lie - but he doesn't, otherwise he would know that I lie all the time.

"I just wandered in my head." I laughed, lightening the atmosphere. "Nothing out of the ordinary." At least that was true. I get lost in my thoughts quite often, and the more often I do that, the harder it is to find a way out of them. I am their prisoner.

Vincent just shrugged his shoulders and didn't take it any further, he knew I wouldn't answer him anyway. But he did notice my sudden sadness.

Jessica found me trying to get drunk to make it through this. First of all, I'm bored here, and secondly, I'm tormented by the ubiquitous judgmental looks and words swirling through the air. That whisper cut into me like a knife. They were leaving behind so much damage. I know they are not talking about me, but my crazy mind tells me that I hear my name from everywhere, that the laughter belongs to me. I hate it. I know it's not real and yet it hurts me. If I'm not crazy about Samael and his world of shadows, then this proves that I am definitely crazy.