The Shadow That Smiled At Me

Chapter twenty

When I returned home in a huff, with the dawn following behind me, my parents weren't exactly thrilled. Water was pouring out of me and although they themselves encouraged me to enjoy the night, they didn't like what time I came back, not if they knew about it. They asked me where the hell I had gone and why I was wet. And so I told them the whole story of that evening - but of course, I left out the details with Samael. In short, I told them that I broke up with Vincent - which really didn't add to their mood because they liked him quite a bit - and then I needed to take a walk, clear my head, but it was raining. They looked at me as if they already knew at that moment how crazy I was.

I didn't give them a chance to answer. They will blame me for this for a very long time, so I locked myself in my room to have peace, at least for now. I've always been careful about moving my chess pieces, but lately, I've been kind of reckless.

Wet and frozen, I crawled under the warm blankets and fell into a deep, shadowless sleep.

From that moment on, I avoided Jess in the parking lot, because I didn't have the strength to explain it to her. She tried to contact me all the time - called me, rang the bell at our house, left me messages - but I didn't answer any of them. Right now I needed time to deal with the changes in my life that had just begun.

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End of school. After four years, the dreaded end of high school came. For four years I've managed to be on top and navigate the social divide I once lived in, and now I've burned my precisely constructed glass castle to the ground and I'm running to New York. Four years of perfect pretense that no one saw through. I ended that game.

I took part in the graduation ceremony. All students graduating this year gathered on the school campus. A flood of people in blue robes and their heads decorated with square caps. Ready to end their child life and head out into the world. The whispers of dozens of excited conversations carried through the air. I stood aside, alone. My former decision paved the way for all those who had been prevented from doing so by Vincent's influence. The strange thing is that it didn't really bother me, I felt lonely always and everywhere. But Jessica found me.

"Arya, why are you avoiding me?" she asked me with a hint of desperation in her voice.

"Because I don't want to deal with it, Jess," I said, not even looking at her.

Jessica forced my gaze by getting in my way. There was a hint of anger in her eyes. "What don't you want to deal with?" she said concerned. "That your supposedly imaginary boyfriend is real, real enough? And besides, you hid it from me and lied to me. You have a lot of secrets, Arya, I noticed, but I never said anything about it, and I'm only now noticing how easy it is to lose you. The slightest hint of me getting close to you and you run away."

That was the exact reason why I avoided her, she would make a drama out of everything. She needs to poke her pretty little nose into everything. She has nothing to do with it, and yet she defends herself as if it concerned her. That way, she's more likely to end up like Vincent.

"This really isn't the right time or place, Jessica," I stated sternly and coldly, making Jessica freeze. I had never talked to her like this before, which really surprised her. Well, things are changing - she started to indulge too much and I've been tolerating less lately.

"What happened to you, Arya? How did you become this?" she asked me.

"How did anyone become who we are, Jess?" I asked in return. "We have become the monsters we hated so much."

She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything I silenced her with a hand gesture and walked away from her. I didn't look back. I didn't hesitate.