Bygones

Chapter 12

Many things leave their mark in the world. Some are good, and some are bad, leaving just downright painful effects in their wake. Whether it's a tattoo, an imprint of abuse, unkind words, the view in the mirror, cancer, infertility, loss of a job, or whatever it is. These marks are not the journey. They're only milestones along the way. However, one thing is true for all. It hurts, and the impact is enough to weaken even the strongest man.

The moment Bruce stepped back inside Harley's townhouse, he was overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. Those same old ones that come and go at will, especially when he's failed at something. It was as though everything before that moment was put into one category, and now there's the after. Everything before then was Bruce exclaiming, "Come get me, world," because you can't damage the impenetrable. You can't hurt what's foolproof. Except you can when love is involved.

Bruce loves Harley, like stupidly, really, truly in love with her. And now he knows for sure it's also the kind of love that can be crippling and debilitating. There have been women in the past who left an imprint on his heart and life. His mother is one, and her death left him paralyzed for years. Then the stream of women came, like Rachel, Julie, Talia (whom he'd like to forget), and the one who shattered his heart--- Selina.

He's lived through the ugly side of love and hadn't cared to experience it again by putting himself out there until her. In his world full of heartache and lies, this incredible, radiant woman found a way to make him smile. And if Bruce were honest, he's wanted her ever since that first encounter in the principal's office, maybe even seeing her in the shadows of the theater. He knew who she was, Harleen Quinzel posing as Hope Quizzel.

It was then Bruce wanted Harley to want him in return and wait for him. He wanted her to wait for him so badly when others gave up and left. What Harley said only minutes earlier to that effect replayed in his mind. Sometimes, people think if they love a damaged person enough, they can be what finally fixes them. The problem with that is no one can mend a person who doesn't want to be fixed. They have to do it themselves. And that takes time, time that most people don't have.

This is why it's a lot easier to be lost than found. People are always searching and rarely locating anything--- too many locks and not enough keys. Bruce's heart and life have been sealed up tight, like that, until her. The girl who awakened his soul from a deep slumber, who planted a fire in his heart, and brought peace to his troubled mind. She's that girl.

That's the kind of love he wants to give Harley, forever, if she'll let him. So, how far could a person go in the name of love? Well, Batman will end Joker for good, as far as he's concerned. That's how far he'll go.

But then there's the other thing. People around him have a way of ending up hurt or worse. It's like they're marked for pain or death, and even though The Clown has no idea that Batman loves Harley and vice versa, she's been targeted by the criminal. It falls to him to protect her. If the brick is anything to go by, he hasn't done a good job of that lately.

That's what leaves Bruce panicky. He can't protect her all the time. He can't be there twenty-four-seven, only part of the time. Things can happen when he's not around, and if those things happen, well...

Harleen is the closest thing he's ever had to something, or someone, that mattered. But in the end, close didn't count. You were either in it for the long haul or weren't. That's when the others left--- when things got tough. This love is definitely the crippling, paralyzing; I love you, please don't leave me kind of love.

After running a hand through his hair, messing it up, Bruce got to work taping cardboard over the window. It should do until the window guy can come out and fix it. Then he all but dragged Harley out of the house and to the manor. They didn't say anything on the way there, both too lost in their thoughts.