Bygones

Chapter 17

Life is hard. The more Harley stayed in the dreary hospital, the more it hit her just how challenging life really was. All the flowers in the world can't make up for it, even the beautiful bouquet from the administration at Westover, the parents of students, or those stunning ones from Bruce. Flowers don't take away pain and heartbreak.

She's been here for over a week, and her situation hasn't changed much. Her ribs are still bruised, her right eye is still ugly, and her baby is still gone. That's the thing about missing something you never thought you'd miss--- it's a disappointment of epic proportions. It was becoming clearer and clearer to Harley that she shouldn't bother getting too attached to dreams. They fill you with hope and then, like a balloon... Pop! You lose it, just like that. And everything deflates.

As she lay there dwelling on circumstances, the door opened, and Harley's eyes raised at Glinda, shuffling in. She's visited a lot during the blonde's stay. The older woman plopped her purse down and made herself at home in the chair beside the bed. She patted the younger woman's hand and pulled out a deck of cards. Glinda asked the question that people always ask but never want an honest answer: "How are you?"

Harley's head angled to stare at her friend. She wondered, "Do you want the truth or something kind and uplifting?"

Glinda huffed out a breath and waved her off. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want the truth. So be honest because bitterness is a lot like a piece of raisin bran caught in your teeth. For us old folks, if you leave it there, you get a blister and have to eat pudding for a week. If you remove it, your mouth heals, and you feel better."

The blonde closed her eyes to try to keep the tears at bay. "I'm tired of feeling like this. It's like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. One moment, I'm feeling as low as I can get, and the next, I'm soaring into the clouds, thinking everything will be okay. Currently, I'm in the low, down-in-the-dumps stage."

A few weepy tears broke free. Harley swiped at them. "Until you get pregnant with a baby, you don't even realize how much you want one. I've always believed it could never happen for me, with everything my body's gone through. I desired it so badly with Bruce. I hoped and hoped, and it was real, for a little while, and I didn't even know. Now it's gone. Taken from me. And I'm angry at everything."

If words had flavors, hers would be bitter grapefruit and unsweetened chocolate--- sharp, pungent, and disagreeable. Glinda passed a tissue, which Harley used. The aged woman had a faraway look in her eyes before speaking. "Your emotions and reactions are valid, Harleen. Don't let anyone tell you any different. You're the only one who feels them. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand it. Just when you think you've got your life by the steering wheel's grip, that's when it likes to drive onto the wrong exit ramp."

Harley continued wiping her eyes as more and more tears spilled. She only completely falls apart in front of the people she trusts to piece her back together. Glinda is one of those people. The blonde listened to what her friend said and heard something similar to her own pain.

"Did I ever tell you that before I had my son, Michael, I had a miscarriage," Glinda asked.

Of course, Harley hasn't heard this. She never knew. But now the girl wants to learn more. The older, thin woman obliged and explained, "Life happens, Harleen, and before you realize it, you're picking out paint colors for a nursery and the next burying an unborn child. It's complicated and tragic, but it's something women worldwide have gone through since the dawn of time. It doesn't lessen the pain, but be thankful you weren't months into a pregnancy because that is even more painful. I've been there."

Glinda held Harley's hand and confided, "But you do get over it. A little bit every day, if you can stand it. And just when you think it's reconciled and accepted, someone points it out to you, or you see baby things in a store, and it hits you all over again. And it will, Harleen. The sadness and loss will come, but you don't have to endure it alone."