Heartbroken

Grief

Two black SUV's pulled up in the driveway of a mansion and a group of utterly heartbroken people got out, following her into the house, nobody saying one word. It didn't surprise anyone as she went up the stairs without saying anything or looking back, going straight to the bedroom. Lindsey cocked his head back, sighing heavily, not sure how to go on about this any longer, as their thirteen year old daughter, was clinging onto him. He stroked her long wavy hair, hoping to somehow assure her that way that things were going to be fine.

Lori put a hand on Lindsey's shoulder, to make him notice her, as he was just staring ahead. "I was thinking maybe I should take Alice home with me tonight."

"That would be great, Lori. Thanks." Lindsey said, without much emotion in his voice. "You'll be a good girl and go to Aunt Lori's, okay sweetheart?"

Alice nodded her head, as she was as tired as everyone after the past few days. She pulled her father into a hug and he kissed her cheek, managing a small smile. "Is Mommy going to be alright?"

"Of course she is, Alice." Although he didn't know if he believed that himself.

"I'll drive you." Chris joined them.

"Bye, Lindsey. Don't hesitate and call if you need anything." Lori said, giving him a hug too.

"I will." He nodded, before the three of them left.

Lindsey entered the living room, slumping down on the couch, burying his face in his hands, trying to hold onto the last bit of strength in him not to break down as well. He didn't even realize as he started crying, allowing himself to feel the pain that had been caused to the whole family. He felt someone sitting down next to him and their arm going around his back.

"It's okay to be sad, Lindsey." Barbara said, her own eyes full of tears.

"I need to be strong for her." He took a deep breath, wiping under his eyes.

"Honestly, I don't think there is anything you can say or do to make this easier for my daughter."

"I can't let her sink into depression. I know she's going to try and push me away, but even if she's kicking and screaming, I'm not going to leave her."

"You love her so much."

"Always will." He simply replied.

After a moment, Barbara stood up, giving Lindsey's hand a squeeze. "I'll make something to eat."

"I'm not hungry. I'm sure Stevie won't want to eat either."

"You must." There was no room left for discussion as she left and Lindsey just sat there, unable to imagine how on earth were they going to go through this.

After forcing some food down, Lindsey took his keys, waiting for Barbara to come down from upstairs, to drive her home. The expression on her face, saddened him, knowing Stevie didn't open up the door or most likely, not even suggested she was still alive and breathing, as he put an arm around her shoulders and led her outside and into the car.

Lindsey returned to the house some time later, finding it to be deadly quiet. He looked around and everything was exactly the same as when he left. He knew it wasn't going to be easy, but he had to talk to Stevie somehow.

He knocked and waited, naturally, getting no answer. "You know I will break down this door if I have to."

"Just go, Lindsey."

That was something, as she hadn't opened her mouth once today. "Please, Stevie. I know this is unbearably hard, but... Open up. I need you." He pleaded.

"I don't need you."

"Yes, you do, Steph. You're hurting, you're heartbroken, but there is no one else who understands how you're feeling right now better than me."

It grew quiet again for a minute and he almost jumped back, hearing the lock click. Lindsey turned the door knob and entered the dark room, curtains drawn, no light on, as he saw Stevie curled up in bed, facing away from him. He sat down, not daring to get closer.

"How are you doing?" He knew it was stupid to ask, but he didn't know where to start.

"Is that a serious question?"

"No, I just..." He exhaled, lying down as well. "I don't know what to say, Stevie." His eyes welled up again. "There isn't anything to say, I just need to feel you close."

"Is everyone gone?" She asked, a steady stream of tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Yeah, it's just us. Lori took Alice with her and I just drove your mother home too."

"You don't have to stay with me. I'll be okay."

"Stevie, you're not okay!"

"Even though, you should go home too."

The calmness of her voice was freaking him out. "This used to be my home too."

"Used to, before our divorce was finalized."

"Don't be like this, it's not about us. It doesn't matter if we're divorced or not, we have to stay together right now."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?"

"It's not going to bring back our son." She said, her voice cracking.

"No, nothing will." The realization hit him very hard, as he too began crying again. "But I don't want you to get depressed and shut everyone away."

"I don't care about anyone else right now, Lindsey. Can you just leave me the hell alone and let me grieve?"

"Stevie..."

"What?! Stevie, WHAT?! Lindsey, you're going on and on about how much you need me to stay strong and I don't want to! I don't! I want to be by myself and cry until I can't do it anymore, because my son got killed in a car accident, caused by his drunk friend! He was eighteen years old, with his whole life ahead of him! I'm sorry if I can't bring myself to do anything else besides what I am right now, but I will never see my baby boy again, Lindsey. Never!"

"Ryan was my son too, Stevie and I know how much the loss of him hurts. Do you think I want to go on with my life? Do you think I can ever be happy again? We still have Alice and she's only thirteen, she needs both of her parents."

"I think she understands that we're allowed to be completely shattered into pieces."

"She does, but Steph... She's terrified, she's scared of losing you, maybe not literally, but ever since we received the horrible news, you haven't said a word to her and she feels that you're going to leave her."

"And I hate that I'm making our daughter feel like that, but please understand me, Lindsey, I need this... I need to be alone, away from everybody and to be heartbroken and grief stricken." Fighting with her over this won't get them anywhere, he knew it. Of course he understood her, he wanted to do exactly the same. Lindsey wasn't sure how long had it been, before Stevie asked him weakly. "Hold me please...."

Without hesitation, he pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair, as her tears soaked his shirt. It could have been another hour or two, or maybe just five minutes, when he noticed her breathing having evened out as she had fallen into exhausted sleep.

~

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