Heartbroken

Confusion

"Is everything alright, Alice?" Taylor asked, as they were sitting at the table, waiting for Stevie to serve breakfast.

"Yes."

"Really? Seems like you've got something on your mind, sis."

"No." 

He sighed, saddened at the lack of communication with his sister. "I'm not leaving again, so you better start talking to me." He made it sound like a joke, but she didn't reply.

"Can I eat in my room, Mom?"

"No." Stevie answered firmly. "Alice, don't be like this."

"Then don't do things to make me be like this."

"I don't appreciate you speaking in that tone, Alice." Lindsey added.

"Great, just gang up on me all of you!" She jumped to her feet and stomped up the stairs, shutting the door to her room loudly.

"No, Steph. I'll go." Lindsey said, seeing as Stevie was ready to follow after Alice.

Lynn put her palms on the table, pushing herself back, letting Taylor know she wanted to go. He let her and the girl went to Stevie's side, wrapping her arms around her. "I'm okay, sweetie." Stevie smiled a little, bending over to kiss the top of Lynn's head. "I think we should just go." She looked up at Taylor, who nodded in agreement. "We'll stop somewhere on our way home. I'm really not hungry anymore."

"Sure, no problem. By the way, any chance you still have a car seat?"

"I'm pretty sure I actually do. I'll go check in the garage, while you two get ready." 

"Okay." Stevie was on her way out, as Taylor called after her. "Oh and Mom?"

"What is it?"

"Are you driving or can I?"

"I'm driving." She rolled her eyes, adding. "I'm probably a better driver than you anyway, you just can't help not teasing."

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Taylor." She approached her son and gave him a hug, smiling. "God, I missed you..."

Lindsey had finally convinced Alice to unlock the door and let him in. He sat on the bed, as she was curled up in a ball, neither of them speaking. All of a sudden, he didn't know how to talk to his daughter. Alice had always been more of a Daddy's girl, but now she was facing away from Lindsey, he was sure, she was actually pretending he wasn't there.

"What happened downstairs?... Alice, I'm not going to leave until you talk to me, so don't waste either of our time and explain yourself. I understand that it's strange having two new family members, but you have to do your best to adjust and fast. Taylor is your brother and you're giving him a very hard time, it's unfair to him as he's trying for you to warm up to him."

"I'm just not over him being back, but it has nothing to do with Taylor."

"Then what's wrong?"

"It's you and Mom."

"What about us?"

"Are you going to move back in? Are you going to be living here again?"

"I don't know."

"Why were you with Mom? Do you love her? Does she love you?"

"Alice, I wish I could answer all of your questions, but I'm afraid I can't, not yet."

"When? What's going to change?"

"All I can say is that..." Fuck, Stevie's going to hate me, he thought. "Your mother and I had a talk. And yes, I love her and she loves me, but it's hard for us, it's always been. But she would maybe like to try again, she's just not sure if she can be with me like we used to before."

"What Mom wants, what you want... What everyone else besides me wants!"

"What do you mean by that, sweetheart?"

"All I'm saying is that it's always about your feelings, what about mine, Dad? Don't you think it's really hard for me as a kid, seeing my parents breaking up, then getting back together again, then breaking up again... Who says this time will be different? You'll try, you'll fail, I'll have my hopes up and then it will all be gone before I know it."

"I'm not saying this is happening at all, Alice. Don't stress about it. I swear to you that if your mother and I get back together, you won't have to be scared we'll separate again. I'll make sure it won't happen, because many things that have gone bad were mostly my fault. I plan on things going differently, so we can be one big happy family."

"Do you want that?"

"Want what, sweetheart?"

"Be with Mom, be with us here all the time."

"More than anything."

Alice sat up in bed, her mood obviously changed. "Then I'm going to be your little sidekick."

"Oh, will you?" Lindsey laughed, feeling relieved he had got through to his daughter. 

"Yes, I'm going to keep telling Mom how amazing you are."

"Just don't overdo it, she might get sick of hearing it and she won't want anything to do with me!" 

"I won't, I promise." Alice hugged her father, giving him a squeeze before letting go. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, precious."

Taylor stood back, Lynn holding onto his hand, as they both watched Stevie placing flowers on Ryan's grave. He didn't think it would be this emotional and he was fighting back with everything in him, but Taylor let a few tears slip when he saw his mother doing the same. 

"This seems so surreal." 

Stevie took Lynn's free hand. "I sill don't believe it. One minute he's telling me about what happened at school and the other I'm getting that call... People say time heals wounds, but I don't think any period of time can heal this wound." Taylor put his arm around her, giving the support she so desperately needed. "I'm so glad to have you, son." Stevie said, tearfully. "I love you, if I don't tell you that enough, please know, that I love you so much."

After another moment spent in silence, they turned back to head to the car and go home. Like Stevie said, they stopped at a nice enough looking small restaurant, where Lynn was happily chewing on blueberry pancakes, with a strawberry milkshake beside her, as Stevie and Taylor each settled for a cup of coffee. 

"I didn't know Dad was going to stay."

"I didn't either, but when he was leaving, I don't know what happened, but I needed him with me."

"The mood seemed a bit gloomy though."

"Because we discussed some things before coming down."

"May I ask what things?"

"I've been thinking a lot about us... I love your father and I'm not good at being alone."

"So, what? Are you like, back together?"

"No. At least not yet. I need to make sure this is what I truly want, because half the time, I feel as if I shouldn't look back, that there's a reason why we're separated."

"But you didn't drop Dad's last name, there's a reason for that too."

"I just... Part of me wants to leave everything behind me right now and go on a tour or something, give myself some time, to be on my own for a while."

"You know, I think that's what you need too."

"I don't think I can, Alice already has a fear of me abandoning her."

"There's Dad and me, we'll take care of her. I honestly think you need to give yourself a break, Mom. I know music is your greatest escape."

"I don't know..." Stevie sighed. "I just don't know anything at the moment."

"We don't have to talk about it."

"Let's not." She said, looking over at Lynn, who was downing the milkshake in no time. "Is it that good?" Lynn nodded eagerly, making Stevie and Taylor laugh. "She's so precious."

"My whole world." Taylor smiled, as Lynn announced she was done. "Home?"

"Home."