Heartbroken

Faith

A week passed after the funeral and Stevie hadn't changed much. She was still quiet the majority of time, she mostly slept, cried or wrote in her journal. The only person she let in was Alice, nobody could have asked more of her at the moment. Lindsey stayed with them, sleeping in the guest room, although, Stevie continuously asked him to leave. He refused, at least when he was around he forced her into eating even if a tiny bit, she was getting thinner and thinner before his eyes, dark circles more obvious around her eyes. He grieved for his son, but he almost felt as if he had to grieve for his ex wife as well.

Alice yawned, rubbing her eyes, as she had just woken up. She sat up in bed for a minute, then barefoot and in her pajamas, walked to Stevie's room, knocking softly. She got no answer and opened up the door, only to find the bed empty. Alice checked the walk-in closet, the bathroom, the balcony, which had become Stevie's favorite spot in the house, but her mother was nowhere to be found. After looking downstairs and in the garden, she went to Lindsey. 

"Come in." He said, his voice groggy.

Alice sat down on the edge of Lindsey's bed and he knew something wasn't right. "Mommy's gone."

"What?"

"She's nowhere to be found! I checked everywhere and she's not home."

"Maybe she finally went outside?"

"No." Alice shook her head emphasizing. "I looked!"

Lindsey reached for the phone on his nightstand and dialed Lori's number, getting a negative answer, that no, Stevie wasn't with them. He called her parents, but they hadn't seen her either. Lindsey sighed heavily, seeing Alice getting visibly more and more upset. 

"I'm sure she's fine, angel."

"But she's gone! She hasn't been even outside after... well, after..."

"Don't think about it too much, Alice. We can't get stressed out about this. If she doesn't come home until later today, we'll seek help, okay?"

"Okay." The girl nodded, unconvinced, but what else could she do? 

It was after 1pm, when Lindsey saw Stevie's car pulling in the driveway. He was on the front lawn, mowing it himself, so he would be too busy thinking of being careful around her rouses and not about her. Stevie turned off the engine and reached for her bag on the back seat. She got out and Lindsey was already staring her down. But she didn't even think of explaining herself as she went towards the front door, leaving him in disbelief.

"Stevie!"

"Keep your voice down."

"Where in the hell were you? Alice and I have been sick with worry! And driving a car, when you've barely slept and eaten for almost two weeks?! That's a really fucking smart decision!"

"Don't yell at me!"

"Where were you?" He demanded again.

"I was at church."

"Church?"

"Yes. Why, I'm so horrible, you're shocked I didn't burn the second I stepped inside?"

"What are you talking about? I'm just... I'm surprised. That's the last place I thought you went to."

"Well, I'm home now, so you can stop pretending you were worried."

"Pretend? What in the world... Of course I was worried! I..." She didn't let him finish, as she slammed the door of the house, as she entered.

Lindsey sighed, forgetting about the lawn as he ran a hand through his hair. They had made so much progress, they were able to communicate again, he thought they had become friends again and now they were back to almost exactly how they were right before their divorce. Maybe not that bad, as they weren't talking at all, now at least, she shouted at him. 

"I'm sorry I disappeared like that." Stevie said, standing in the doorway to Alice's room. "I should have left a note or something."

"It's okay, you're home." Alice smiled, giving her mother a hug. "But don't leave like that, please. I was so scared."

"I'm just fine, baby." Stevie managed a weak smile, brushing her daughter's hair out of her face. "God, when did you get so tall?" 

"You're just really short, Mom."

"Hey!" She laughed a little, kissing Alice's forehead. "I'm going to lie down."

"Can I join you?"

They lay together in Stevie's bed, Alice's head on her chest as she was mindlessly stroking the girl's hair. Alice fell asleep and Stevie was drifting off too, but Lindsey came looking for her, asking if she could come out for a word.

"What?"

"Jesus Christ, Stevie... I've never thought you hated me that much." The way she spoke to him, acted towards him, was hurting his feelings immensely. Lindsey genuinely thought he didn't deserve this, after all, he was only doing everything in his power to make this easier. But what hurt him the most was that she was almost selfish about it. Like he had reminded her time and time again, Ryan was his son too. 

"Just say what it is you want to say."

"Since you very obviously don't want me here, I packed my things and I'm going home."

Stevie's demeanor changed instantly. Her facade fell and she was ready to beg him to stay. Not that she ever would of course. Despite that she hardly talked to him or showed him she cared about him in her own way, Stevie was glad he was around. She was happy that he was looking after their daughter as she couldn't at the moment and even if she always had something bitchy to say, she secretly loved that he still obviously cared about her that much.

"Well..." She crossed her arms, shrugging. "Go. I think it's time, you've been around for too long anyway."

"At least you appreciate me for that." Lindsey replied with sarcasm, he just didn't know how else to deal with her. "Right. I'll call Alice later, I don't want to wake her up now."

Stevie didn't even say goodbye as he walked downstairs and shut the door slightly too loudly. She broke down almost immediately after he left. But she couldn't let her true feelings show through, she couldn't let Lindsey get too close. Simply because she was afraid. Terrified of falling in love with him again. He had hurt her too much.