The Things I Couldn't Say (CartmanxButters)

Just Friends

It's not a problem, being just friends. It doesn't matter to me anyway. Since we were young it was like this; now we're seniors in high school and it's still fine. I am fine. I do not like him. We are just friends.

Damn It Eric, why can't that be true?

If you're too dumb to figure it out yet, I am Eric Cartman, and I have a bit of a problem. However, this problem takes the shape of an innocent little blonde boy named Butters, who has blue eyes, a round little face, blush on his cheeks and the cutest little smile. His laugh is light and sweet, and he-

GOD DAMN IT I CANNOT LIKE BUTTERS!!

I pulled my coat closer around my stomach to protect myself from the cold. I continue down the street lost in my own thoughts until a voice interrupts me.

"Hey Eric!" Calls Kyle as he begins to walk next to me.

"Oh. Hey Kyle," I respond mundanely.

"That's it? Not 'Hey dumbass!' or 'Hey Jew!' or 'Hey dumbass Jew!'? Nothing?"

"No, Kyle." I didn't want to talk to him now. Not just because of Butters, but because if he's here, he's never alone.

"Hey Cartman, hey Ky." Stan walked over and pecked Kyle on the cheek, not surprising since they're dating. They've been together since eighth grade, and everyone knows they really are in love.

God I hate it. So. Fucking. Much.

Not because I don't like them, or because I don't like gay people, because none of that is true.

I hate it because it's everything I've dreamed of and can't have.

"Eww, guys, keep that faggy stuff away from me!" I shove them lightly. "Why are you following me anyway, you annoying faggot and dumb Jew!"

"Hey! LEAVE. KYLE. ALONE!!" Stan yelled.

"THEN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE." I snap at them.

"I knew it!" Growls Kyle. "I just KNEW you couldn't be CIVILIZED and KIND for FIVE fucking seconds!! I don't even know why you're still here! You're a lost cause! An evil little mistake! There's no good in you at all, Eric Cartman!"

I looked him dead in the eyes. "That's just fine with me, Kyle."

"Come on, let's go," Stan mumbled as he dragged Kyle down the street.

I ran to my house and yanked the door open.

"Hi, sweetie, how are you?" Asks my mom.

"Yeah, great, fuck off mom," I respond.

Once I'm in my room I sit down with my back against the door. I take a deep breath and try to calm down but it's useless. I start sobbing like a little bitch anyway.

If I'm a lost cause and an evil mistake, how am I going to get the most innocent, sweet, kind, caring, and beautiful boy ever to like me? Oh, wait, I already have that one figured out!

Step one: wake up.
Step two: realize no one will ever love you.
Step three: cry yourself to sleep.
Step four: repeat.

Genius plan, isn't it?

Now, please excuse me while I complete step three.