The Things I Couldn't Say (CartmanxButters)

The Death and Birth of Eric Cartman

I opened my eyes and looked around the room. A single white rose sat in a silver vase, and I lifted it to my nose.
"Hmm, it smells like...fresh linen... " I mumbled pensively to myself.

"Eric? Eric, where are you?" A familiar voice called. I turned around to see Butters staring over at me. He smiled kindly. "Hiya Eric, is that for me?"

"Yeah, it is..." I gently tucked the flower behind his ear. "Do you like it?"

He smiled. "Of course I do, Eric!" He
pecked my cheek, causing me to smile brightly. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my chin on his head.

"Don't leave......" I pleaded, and hugged him closer.

"Oh, Eric.." He giggled, and hugged back.

"I could never leave you."

I awoke at what appeared to be around noon, not like it mattered. I decide that it's best not to go anywhere tonight if I can help it, and roll over to bury my head in my pillow. The dream was still fresh in my mind, and I got a fuzzy feeling in my stomach remembering it. It's like when you swallow a hot cup of hot cocoa on a winter day, and you feel it running from your mouth to your gut and warming your insides. It made me feel unbelievably better.

I lazily snatched the T. V. remote off of my bedside table and flipped through the channels.

"With the Wow-Cup, you can-"

Click.

"Becky, I'm in love.....with your sister!"

Click.

"I know what you are-"

Click, Jesus Christ, anything but Twilight.

"A band of boys in South Park have been seen attacking and hurting other boys their age. People are warned to stay indoors after dark. In other news-"

Mildly interesting, but click.

"And now, back to 'Terrance and Philip: Behind the Blow'"

This'll do.

After a while, I decided that it was best to shower off and shit instead of being lazy bum. I got up and undressed, then got into a shower and turned up the water till it was at its hottest. The burning sensation seemed to clear my head, and I thought of everything that had happened to me so far.

Kenny threatened me because I have a crush on Butters.
The school hates me and wants me to punch my own ticket.
My mother is going to die in a little over a year, if she doesn't catch anything before then.
The only person I have left most likely will never feel the same.

He doesn't love me.

The last one stung the most, to be honest. At first, I always thought that I knew. I thought I would be able to face it once it inevitably came up. But, alas, love is a fat bitch with sociopathic tendencies.

Same, to be honest.

I sighed and eyed the razors that my mom left in the shower, and my mind drifted back to the doll in my locker with the little cuts carved all over it.

No. Not today. I'm not stooping that low.

After my shower, I dried off and dressed, then sat on my bed and pondered what to do. I can't help but think of the blond that I've been chasing the whole time.

"Staying my friend through all the rumors," I mumbled. "Now that's dedication."

I don't know if it's love, but you gotta care a shitload about a person to stick by them through this.

Maybe I can make it up to him......

And at that moment, the cobwebs in the kind part of my head started to clear and I thought of what I could do to make it up to him.

"Another picnic.....just us....... And no Kenny butting in at the end! Perfect!" I smiled as wide as I could and darted out the front door.

Nobody really thought it was odd for me to buy this much food, most likely assuming that it was all for myself, and for once in my life I didn't mind. I bought mostly cookies and cupcakes and muffins, not the healthiest choice but that wasn't my current concern. After purchasing all of the food, I tried to ignore all the insults as I walked down the road to the next shop.

"Faggot."

"Asshole."

"Psycho."

"Bitch."

All true, but they sting nonetheless.

A foot extended in front of me, and I stepped over it, avoiding tripping. I got a light shove instead. How pleasant.

I stepped into the flower shop, and saw Stan and Kyle browsing the selections.

"Hey, guys....." I replied sheepishly.

They glared and turned away.

I sighed and looked through the flowers, and a bouquet of white roses caught my eye. Perfect! I bought them up to the counter and bought them, then continued on my way.

This was going to be perfect! I would give him a perfect day, then tell him how I felt, and he would be bound to feel the same! I couldn't hide my smile as I knocked on his door.

This is the first step toward a new beginning, a new life, a new happiness that will never fade away.

I guess Wendy was right. In a way, I'm just like the doll.

The door opened before me.

Just because you kill yourself doesn't mean that you have to die. You can kill the old you, and keep living on brand new.