The Things I Couldn't Say (CartmanxButters)

Red Tears

-MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING-

"H-Howdy, Eric!" Butters greeted cheerily.

"Hey, Butters." I said back, smiling as I pulled out the flowers from behind my back. He gasped in excitement and took them. "You like?"

"Oh, I love them, Eric! Thank you!" He giggled, causing me to blush.

"N-No problem....." I stuttered. Why the fuck am I stuttering?

"A-Are you okay, Eric? Your eyes are all puffy and red......" He took his thumb and wiped gently below my eye.

Oh. That's why.

"Yeah, of course.....I was just thinking about how we went on that picnic by the pond a while ago, and wanted to make it up to you....." I shyly held up the picnic basket.

"O-Oh..... Well, about that Eric...... I'd really love to go with you, but everyone is saying you're doing some real awful stuff to my boyfriend, and he says we shouldn't talk to you, or my parents might get really upset and-"

"Wait- boyfriend?" I cut him off.

"Yeah! Kenny asked me just a little bit ago, and it's official!" He smiled, then frowned. "Sorry about not seeing you around anymore, Eric..... But I'll try to sneak in a call when I can."

My heart shattered in my chest. "O-Oh...... Okay."

He paused, seemingly in thought, before wrapping me in his arms and squeezing. "You've been an awfully great guy, Eric."

"Thanks.....that means a lot coming from you." I replied quietly. The shards of my heart must have punctured my lungs, because as I hugged him back, I found it hard to breathe. We separated at last, and I tried my best to keep it together. "I guess this is goodbye."

"I guess it is." He hesitated, then kissed me lightly on the cheek. "Thank you." He shut the door, and I stared at it briefly before walking away.

I had just lost not only someone I loved, but the only friend I had left. From this moment on, I was completely alone.

Kenny had won. He killed the beast, saved the princess, and got his fairytale ending, like in all the stories.

I had no reason left to be good, but at the same time, I had every reason to be good. I had to be kind for myself, and for the people around me. I had to change, even if I did it alone.

That's what I'll do, I decided. Be good for me. Be good so that one day, I'll get what I deserve.

"Hey, you fat fuck!" A familiar voice yelled behind me. I sped up. There's no way I'm talking to him right now.

"Leave me alone, please." I said politely.

"Aww, c'mon, not even a proper greeting?" He asked sarcastically as he kicked the back of my knee, causing me to fall to the ground and the contents of my basket to empty themselves on the snowy ground. "What were you doing with all that god damn food? That's a bit much, even for you."

"You know full well what I was doing with it." I attempted to stand, but was roughly shoved back to the ground. "Look, just leave me alone. I give up. You win."

"You hade your chance to give up," Kenny knelt  beside me and grabbed me by the hair. "You lost your chance. I'm still doing all I can to destroy you."

"Well I'm already destroyed! I lost all of my friends, my dignity, the guy I love, and now my mother is gonna die in a year, if she doesn't get sick first."

"Oh, boo hoo, you piece of shit! You're still the same you! Just a pathetic monster!"

"I'm trying to change! I'm not like that anymore! Just let me try to fix myself in peace!"