Setting Ourselves Up

Temporarily truce

                               James

We've been in this "one of a kind" - as Jade says - bookstore for almost two goddamn hours. No kidding. My feet are tired from following her through different shelfs and my arms are killing me from this terrible huge weight of her pile of books she picked out. Im starting to think she's picking books she doesn't need just to spite me. And it is working. But to be honest  im not complaining, as long as i get to spend time with her. Even if the "spending time" in question is her ignoring me and only yelling my name when she needs to drop another book in my arms. But i don't mind, Jade Springs could tell me to lay on the floor and use me as a crossing bridge and i would gladly oblige.

I can't find my precious glasses anywhere. Goddamn it. They were my favourite. Yes, yes im one of those people that don't go anywhere without sunglasses.

My hat is in my hand - thank God.

"Jade, Jade, Jadeee" - i drag out in a  sing-song voice that i know damn well annoys her.

"As much as i" love "-i air quote the word love to show how much i hate this-
" Watching you look adorable, with your cute focused expression by the way-she rolls her eyes. Great, i annoy her even when i try to compliment her.

"I. Am. Going. To. Die" - i sigh dramatically, laying my head on her shoulder. She smells great. Like strawberries and vanilla. That fucking perfume. That perfume that i always fucking loved. And no, im not a stalker or a weirdo but, i do know that she's been using the same vanilla perfume ever since seventh grade and damn it, it really is working for her.

"Great then I'll make sure we'll stay for about another hour so i know for sure you're dead" - she spats angrily. Damn. I've really made her hate me huh?

But being honest, the only time me and Jade get along or actually talk is when we're arguing, so im not complaining. Oh and also when we're around our dear friends. That's why i had asked my dearest friend Av information on what she and Jade were up to for the weekend and voila! Here we are. I know, i know im a genius.

You see, I've made a whole plan to get her to forgive me for all the shitty things i have said - and did - for years and if that means sitting in a women's store and watching Av complain about which dress fits her better then so be it. That's why i made the dumb deal of setting our friends up in the first place. It was never about them. It was about us. What am I even saying ? Us? There is no fucking us i screwed that up ages ago, and i hate myself everyday for it, and so does Jade. She just shows it way better than me.

I even made a fucking list of all her favourite things and places she likes to go to so that i could "randomly" run into a certain redhead. My redhead.

And i will find a way for her to forgive me.

But for now our friends are the only way i can even speak to her, so I'll take what i can get.

Truth is, i don't even remember why she hated me that much, yeah i made some fucked up jokes in middle school but we were literally kids. I didn't know what i was even doing. It's not my fault that every time i see a pretty girl my mind goes : fuck up, be mean.

It's a terrible way of flirting i know but i just don't seem to learn. And now that i think about it i don't think i was ever sober any day of school since sixth grade. I could've said dumb shit and i wouldn't even notice. I didn't notice anything for years, except for all the scars on my mother's face, arms, legs, all the scars on her everything. I was blinded by hatred and raised with it for so long that i would trick myself to think that hatred might be just the same thing as every other feeling. The same thing as love. At least that's what he said every night after crushing all my fucking hopes and dreams.