Bloodlust

18

Today is supposed to be our last day at the Cullen's and I'm dreading it. I procrastinated until the last minute to tell Cordelia about what happened. I just wanted the rest of our time to be filled with happy memories. Now I realize that I've created this false sense of security that I'll have to pull from under her, which feels even more cruel.

Had I just not let my curiosity get the best of me, this all could've been avoided. Unfortunately, I can't change the past and once again I'm facing the consequences of my hasty actions. We're packing in silence and I'm trying my best to work up the courage to face her. I just know the look on her face will break my heart into a million pieces.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong now or will you wait until we get home?" I can hear the impatience in her voice that just barely masks the concern. I sigh and turn to face her, noticing the way she gently bites the inside of her cheek; which gives away the emotion under her seemingly blank expression. "You're right. I might as well come out with it" I take a seat at the end of the bed and she joins me.

Her hand is placed over mine and I feel more at ease with the simple touch of her skin against mine. My anxiety soon rises again though, as I know this won't be easy. "I killed Victoria who I assume you know by now is like... well I suppose she's kind of like the Supreme for your kind" I voice nervously and the blonde nods along as I explain it to her.

"Well... the newborns are quite territorial of her like a queen bee of sorts" I chuckle at my reliance of metaphors to get my point across when I'm choked up. "I'll just get to the point. They'll eventually pick up on my scent and come after me for revenge so..." I pause briefly as I close my eyes, shaking my head.

"We can't see each other" she finishes for me and I glance at her, nodding remorsefully and she bites her lips. Just as I suspected she looks away from me, her hand slowly leaving mine. I immediately crave her warmth again but I know she needs time to process this. "I don't want to risk putting you and the girls in danger, it's not fair. It's my price to pay" I continue and she nods along.

"They may not even come after me but I just don't want to take the chance. I'd never forgive myself if you or your girls were caught in the crossfire of my misdeed" I whisper, "it's not a 'misdeed'. You did what you had to do—the right thing" she offers and I chuckle dryly at her optimism. "It doesn't quite feel so 'right' now" I mutter and she hums in agreement.

"Well, I'm obviously not thrilled about this but I understand" she sighs and I'm yet again grateful for the person she is. Always trusting me, despite me giving her every reason under the sun not to. "The seven wonders is coming up, coincidentally. I'm sure they'll keep enough of my attention so I don't miss you so much" she remarks and her tone is bittersweet.

A sad smile graces her features and I reach out to cup her cheek, my muscles relaxing more as she leans into it. "I'm sorry" I mumble, feeling ashamed for separating us once again. Things were going so well and I just had to go and kill the one person that could ruin my life. Dead or alive, Victoria still haunts me and it unnerves me to no end.

Granted, the bitch had it coming, but if I'd only planned better... maybe I could've avoided this. Who am I kidding? Anyone that killed her would have a target on their back, I'm just lucky enough to have the knowledge to avoid them. "You don't have to apologize" she insists, "is there anything I can do?" I ask softly and she thinks for a moment.

"Could you... hold me, maybe? It'll just be a while before we..." I can see it's hard for her to say so I just nod in understanding. We move up the bed and she gingerly lays her head on my chest. I stroke her hair, humming softly in an attempt to soothe the distress I've caused. We don't talk for a long time, though no words need to be shared as the feeling lingering in the air speaks for itself.

"I don't wanna say goodbye" she whispers and I feel a prick at my heart, her tone is heavy and defeated. "Don't" I reply and she sits up, opting to stare at the wall instead of me. She sighs and stands, I follow her with my eyes around the room as she gathers her bags tiredly. I know it takes everything in her not to cry and simply witnessing it is enough to make my own sting with unshed tears.

She glances at me and I don't even need to hear her thoughts to know what she's thinking. I get up and approach her slowly, noticing the slightly staggered breathing as tears brim her eyes. "If you-" "I won't" I interject, not wanting her to even think of such things before we part. I will make my way back to her no matter what, newborns or not.

She takes a deep breath and rapidly blinks away her tears. I grab her shoulders gently, placing a kiss on her forehead which makes her shudder. "I love you" she whispers shakily, "I love you too" and as soon as the last syllable leave my lips—she's gone. I stare at the place she once was and only then do I allow the wave of emotions to come over me, knowing she does the same.

Once I pull myself together, I grab what little things I have and head downstairs. Everyone gives me sympathetic looks and I just shrug with a small smile. Esme pulls me in her arms, hugging me tightly but just long enough to where I don't start crying. I've always loved how she can sense those things without me telling her.

I bid farewell to everyone and gain the coordinates to my new temporary home from Carlisle. He says he doesn't know where it is because he's never had to go so that I should be extra careful. I know he's telling me that, should anything happen, they won't be able to save me. I promise him to be alert and he hugs me briefly as well.

As I head to my destination, darting through trees, I wipe my eyes. Tears cloud my vision and I think of Cordelia, regretting every decision I've made that led us here. Now I'm entering into something I promised her I could get out of but I truly don't know if I will. I can only hope I've thrown them off enough to where they'll get tired of searching.