am i what you want?| billie eilish

19.| i want to be better for you

"want to go to the mall?" vic asked as she came down the steps. "please!" i smiled and got up. "let me get dressed and i'll meet you in the car"

after i got in the car, we blasted some music as we drove to the mall. i was lowkey excited because i was finally getting my mind off of billie. we never officially broke up, but i'm glad she's giving me space.

"alaia!" i was broken out of my daydream when victoria screamed my name. "huh? oh i'm sorry" i chuckled. "we're here come on" she laughed and we got out the car.

"which store first?" she asked as we looked at the map. "victorias secret? i need new lotions and stuff" i said as i grabbed her hand and pulled her in the direction of the store.

we went over to the perfume section first, i tested a few out until i smelt a familiar smell. that being the vanilla scent billie always wears. i grabbed my bombshell one and then we went over to the bra and thongs trying to pick some new ones out.

"does your new boo thang want to have sexy time soon" i snickered at myself from being so cringe. "yes" she blushed "does billie want to with with" she rose and eyebrow. "we already have, you know this" i gave her a fake small laugh and went to check out.

"pandora next?" she asked as she came up behind me. "uh duh" i smiled.

we walked into pandora and looked at all the jewelry and charms. i needed to find a new one to put on my bracelet.

"you think she'd like this one?" i turned around to see billie on the other side of the the glass with reagen. "shit billie, she's here" rae whisper yelled and billies eyes shot up. i looked back at vic who was walking over to them. "hanging out without us" she frowned and hugged them both. "we could say the same thing" rae joked, as i just stood back.

"are you going to come over here or be weird?" vic giggled and i put a smile on my face. i walked over and gave rae and small hug and looked up at billie who was kinda in the same state as me. i gave her a awkward side hug and moved back next to vic. "you want to come over later, i have to talk to you" billie asked "sure" i mumbled and turned around to walk out.

"you're not gonna get your charm?" vic called after me. "no!" i yelled back and waited outside the store for them to catch up with billie.

-

a few hours later i was on my way to billies house since she wanted to talk.

i pulled into her driveway and went to the door, i debated. i placed a light knock on it and maggie answered. "alaia! hi honey. i didn't expect to see you back so soon" she frowned. "you know me and billie" i laughed "she wanted to talk so i'm going to listen" i smiled as she let me in. "she's upstairs" maggie pointed and i went up to her room.

"b?" i asked as i knocked on her door. "come in" i heard her say and i opened the door. a smile crept across my lips as i entered the room. she had rose petals all over the bed and a bouquet in her hands as she sat at the end of the bed.

"hey lei" she smiled. "hey b." i whispered and shut the door. "come here" she said and i made my way over to her, sitting beside her on the bed.

"i know there is no excuse for how i hurt you, i understand if you hate me and want to end things but i need you to understand that i'm and so fucking sorry alaia and i hate that i hurt you." she sighed.

"if i wanted to leave you, i would've broken up with you last night." i started "i love you, i can't refrain from loving your goofy ass no matter how much you hurt me. i just want to trust you, but i don't know if i can anymore." i whispered, avoiding eye contact.

her hand moved from her thigh to my chin as she pulled my chin to look at her. "i would do anything in this world to take it back, absolutely anything. i love you so much alaia and i want to prove to you that you can trust me" she said softly.

a tear slid down my cheek and fell onto her hand that was still holding my chin. "please don't cry baby" she sighed. "i'm sorry" i mumbled. "i forgive you, i do. i really do but it's going to take a lot for you to earn my trust back. i shook my head and wiped my tears.

i searched her eyes for some type of feeling, she was silent. i couldn't tell what was going on in that beautiful mind of hers. "i love you billie" i said again and kissed her forehead. "can you stay the night?" she finally said something and i looked at her with a smile and nodded "of course my love" i said as i got up and went to her closet grabbing one of her hoodies.

i took my pants and shirt off before slipping the hoodie over my head and crawling back into bed. i swiped all the petals onto the floor and laid down against the headboard. billies body fell back beside me and she grabbed the remote before putting on teen beach movie.

i looked over at her and she was scrolling through her phone, blocking multiple contacts and snaps. "what are you doing?" i chuckled and she looked at me with a smile. "starting the process to show you that you can trust me" she shrugged and i laughed as she clicked claudia's contact and went to press block. "billie! that's family stop!" i laughed and pulled the phone from her.

"there's that laugh." she grinned. "only comes out when i'm with you." i said as i put my leg around her torso and laid my head between the crook of her neck.

"i want to be better for you alaia." she whispered into my ear. "you can be billie" i sighed and kissed her chin.