am i what you want?| billie eilish

26.| i need you

billies pov

the next morning i stayed in bed until noon before finally getting up to shower. i got myself ready before grabbing my things and leaving to go see alaia.

i feel better than i did yesterday but i'm still so hurt, but there's nothing in this world that would stop me from loving her.

i pulled into our driveway and her car wasn't there. i assumed she had just gone out to get coffee or something so i went inside and up to our room to put my things away.

the second i walked in it felt different. empty. my eyes were drawn to the piece of paper sitting on my pillow. i dropped my bag at the door and made my way over.

my heart broke as i read through the note she left me.

my billie,
i love you more than the world's combined but you and i are two bombs waiting to explode. i will never forgive myself for the pain i put you through today but just know this is what's best for us so please don't try and contact me. i need you to do that one thing for me please. i want you to promise me to never stop doing what you love because i'll be rooting for your every accomplishment, every milestone, every award. i love you and i don't think there was ever a time i didnt billie , never forget that.
- your leia

tears flood my face as i collapse to the ground. my body felt weak. i felt sick. i ran to the bathroom and let it out into the toilet. there's no way she's gone, she can't be gone. i cleaned my face and went back to our room, opening the closet to see her side empty. the same with her dresser.

i grabbed my phone from my back pocket and tried to text her.

princess ❤️

alaia?
alaia baby please don't do this.
alaia i need you! you can't leave me!
not delivered

she blocked me. i checked all her socials and i was blocked on each one. i didn't know what to do with myself, i feel like i lost the one thing keeping me sane right now, with everything going on with work and she's gone.

i did the one thing i knew i could. i called victoria.

"hey vic"
"billie.. hi"
"is alaia there?"
"uhm. no"
"vic please don't lie to me" i said fighting back tears.
"i'm sorry billie but she told me not to let you talk to her" she whispered "just give her time. she's locked herself in the room all day" vic told me and hung up the phone.

the house was too quiet. im so used to hearing her giggles filling the room with laughter or seeing her lay beside me with her largest smile on her face.

claudsickle💗

claudia
claud can you please come over?
alaia left
for good claudia

billie what do you mean?
where did she go?
are you okay?
forget it i'm on my way love.

-

when claudia got to the house she immediately came to my room and held me as i sobbed into her arms.

"i can't believe she's gone claudia." i sniffled

"i know love, i know" she shushed me and held me tighter.

-

the next morning i got out of bed around two and sat in the bath. i brought my little notebook to work on some of the songs for the new album.

i played one at my last concert it was the billie boss nova but all the other ones have been kept private in this book.

they all range between how i feel towards all my exes. i wrote one for alaia before we got together because lord knows i've been in love with this girl since i first laid eyes on her.

2 days later

-
•billieeilish

♡︎ 💬 ⫸
• liked by olivebaker and 6,582,098 others
billieeilish: no tears left to cry 🦋

user3: so horny for u
victoria.drew: the ariana reference goes crazy😧
itzyagurll: come and sit on my face pretty girl🙇🏽‍♀️
zoedonahoe: obsessed with you😩

olivebaker: because why tf are you so fine🧐

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victoria

hey alaia wanted me to lyk that
she put the house in your
name so you can do
whatever with it.

oh.
okay
how is she?

she's good.
she loves you billie
i hope you know that's why
she did this.

sure

i threw my phone onto the couch and paced back and forth in the living room debating what to do. i could sell the house and get one where i feel comfortable and hidden.

i think that's the best idea.

a/n- i know this is a short chapter but it was just a view on how billie is feeling about everything. 4 more chapters left and things are gonna get good!!

also so you guys think i should make a sequel for this?