am i what you want?| billie eilish

23.| long time no see.

alaias pov

i wont lie, living 2,702 miles away from billie is absolutely draining. it's only been 2 weeks and i feel like we're already drifting. she's so dry on the phone and

"alright baby, i have a meeting i got to go. i love you" billies voice echoed through the phone. "okay i love you too" i said before hanging up.

we are currently staying with reagen, which i don't mind because that's my girl forever.

"sav time for school come on!" i yelled from the bottom of the steps but she didn't reply.

i swear to god if she's not awake, i've literally knocked on her door 20 times to get her up. "savanna lets go" i said as i opened the door to not see her in her room. "i'm right her idiot" she laughed and i turned around to see her walking out the bathroom. "i had to piss, chill out" she said causing me to laugh.

after i dropped savanna off at school i went to see her mom, who was doing so much better and was going home in a few days. i was helping her out with the house, making sure it was clean and had food and just normal stuff like that .

"hey pretty" she smiled as i walked into her room. "hey mom" i smiled and sat in the chair beside her bed. "how's savanna doing?" she asked and i smiled again. "really good, finishing off the quarter with honor roll. i'm really proud of her for staying positive through all of this" i sighed

"me too" she let out a slight smile "i'll
bring her home friday after school okay?" i said before giving her a hug and leaving the hospital.

when i got to my car i checked my phone to see if billie had answered me which she hadn't.

me:
call me when you can, i miss you and love you❤️
read 7:14 am

right leaving me on read i guess.

—

"bye love, be good for your mom and remember i'm only a call away. i'm not going back to LA for another week and a half" i hugged savanna and closed the car door giving her a wave and pulling out of the driveway.

shit is still sooo weird between billie and i. i don't understand why though because i made this decision for her. ungrateful bitch bro i swear.

it's still early so i decided to go out with victoria and get coffee at the local cafe which i have missed so damn much.

"yea i'll get the gone bananas and a raspberry pastry please" i said to the lady at the cash register while vic ordered hers at the one next to me. "your number 65, you can take a seat until i call you" she smiled and vic and i went to sit down at a booth. "it feels like the old days" i sighed with a smile. "i've missed you so much. how's you and billie?" she asked causing me to roll my eyes.

"she's being distant" i huffed and vic raised her eyebrow. "why? what do you mean?" i sighed and threw my hands up. "fuck if i knew, i don't even give a fuck at this point. she wants to be a bitch then she can fuck around and find the fuck out because i'm not doing this shit with her anymore" i shook my head.

"number 63,64, and 65!" the lady yelled and vic and i got up to grab our things. "oh shit i'm sorry" i said as i bumped into someone while walking up. they dropped their phone so i grabbed it and handed it to them only to freeze in shock when i saw who it was. "alaia?"

"jonah?" i muttered with my eyes wide. "thanks i guess" he shrugged and let me grab my stuff before he grabbed his. vic and i hurried back to our booth. "what the fuck" i groaned and put my head in my hands. "today can't get worse" i chuckled.

after we finished our things we left a tip at the counter before going to walk out. "wait, alaia" i jonah said as he grabbed my arm. "let go of me please" i said and he let go of my arm. "can we talk? please?" he asked and i thought for a minute before nodding. "same house?" i asked and he nodded. "see you at noon" i sighed and walked to the car with vic.

"are you being forreal" she bucked her eyes at me once we sat down in the car and i just shrugged.

-
around noon as promised i went to jonah's house. i placed a gentle knock on his door and he opened it. "hey." he mumbled "hey." i said awkwardly and he moved so i could come in.

"you can sit on the couch, i'll be right back" he gave me a warm smile. shit now i remember the reason i fell in love with this kid. "here." he gave me a glass of milk  and a plate of my favorite cookies. "jonah, thank you" i smiled and he sat beside me with a plate of them too.

"so what's up?" i asked while taking a bite of the cookie. he sighed before replying "i just wanted to apologize for how everything went down. i was just so jealous alaia and seeing you kiss her killed me" he frowned. "but you had been cheating on me prior to that" i shrugged and looked at him. "no i wasn't, i lied to make to jealous. that night i did go to see courtney but that was the first time" he admitted. "i forgive you jonah" i smiled and he looked up at me "really?!" he said with excitement causing me to giggle "yes" i laughed and he pulled me into a hug.

"how have you been? are you still with billie?" he questioned and i paused "i've been okay, just a lot going on, and yes i'm still with billie" he nodded taking in my responses. "how are you and her?"

"to be honest, i don't even know anymore she's been so distant for the past 3 weeks and it's killing me." he frowned "i'm sorry" he said while looking me in the eyes.

there was just something about the look he was giving me, reminding me of the boy i fell in love with 5 years ago. "i still love you alaia" he whispered, pulling me back to reality to realize our faces were inches apart. i grabbed his face and pulled him in until our lips connected.

i got lost in the kiss it just felt, i don't know. right? he laid back and i straddled the lower half of his body, still not breaking the kiss. his hands roamed my body and not once did i feel uncomfortable. he started to reach for my shirt but i stopped him.

"we shouldn't" i said while trying to catch my breath "i'm still with billie jonah" i sighed and he nodded "i get it alaia, it's okay." he smiled "i should go" i said before standing up and grabbing my keys from the table beside me. "i'm sorry" he said quickly and i shook my head "don't be sorry jonah, i wanted to" i smiled and left his house.

i couldn't stop thinking about the kiss the entire time i drove home. i felt kinda guilty because i didn't want to go more but i couldn't and now i'm confused because i know i love billie but i still have love for jonah.

incoming call from babygirl❤️🔒

a/n ~ hey guys!!! i'm so sorry i've been inactive:( i've been trying to set up the last few chapters and make sure they can fit together, i've also been soooo damn busy with school. but thank you guys so much for 1k reads i appreciate it sm :)

lmk how you guys like it so far