Luke's POV
I couldn't handle this anymore.
I felt like the air had less oxygen in it each and every day, I couldn't breath right without her by me anymore. I needed her back but she wants nothing to so with me right now. This was supposed to be our last shot..
Our last chance to be together.
So I did the only thing I knew how to do when I'm faced with a problem, avoid it.
So here I am, sat at this shitty fucking bar. My eyes red from the lack of sleep I've been getting. My mind was tired and drowsy not only from the intoxicating alcohol but the drastic amount of negative thinking I've been doing lately.
I'm angry, at myself for giving up so fucking easily, for being here when I should be there, I'm angry at Juliet for how many times she came back to me, or let me come back to her when she shouldn't have. I wish she moved on from me, she deserves better, it would been so much easier if she moved on. I can deal with wallowing in self pity and depression if I know that she is happy. That's all that matter in my world. And that's all that should matter in hers. Obviously I can't make that happen though, I just make her upset, I make her eyes miss the little shine they used to have when I first met her. I've fucking corrupted her and I wish I didn't. Why'd she have to fall for me? Why not somebody like Danny? Or Michael? Even Ashton. I'm the one with the fucked up mind, screw the therapist, I'm not normal. I'm going mental right now.
I put two fingers up slightly, calling the bartender over. He was drying off glasses when he came over. "Three more shots of Patron?"
He nodded, then turned to make them.
God, I'm such a prissy.
Just go fucking talk to her.
But that's the thing, half of me is telling me to go, half of me wants me to stay.
She'll move on.
She can do better.
She doesn't need you.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes. Maybe it was the whiskey I just had speaking but right now, it's telling me to make her move on.
Make her hate me.
-
I got home, or back to the house at around three am, shit faced to say the least.
My legs didn't want to carry me, the hallway light turned on after I knocked over a glass. Oops.
"Luke? What the fuck?" Juliet hissed quietly. I nearly fell over on her, I wanted her so bad. "Oh my god you reek."
"I may reek but y-you, you're pretty," tomorrow, tomorrow I'll make her hate me.
"You're drunk."
"You're drunk," I repeated her, pointing a finger towards her.
She groaned, "Sit I need to pick up the glass."
I obliged with a bit of help and sat in a chair. She picked up a few big pieces with her hands first. So I began ranting my big fucking mouth again.
"I'm sorry..."
She ignored me, as expected.
"You d-don't deserve this, you helped me through all of my biggest accomplishments and all I've ever done was drag you down." I frowned.
"We'll talk in the morning."
"No, no I want to talk now, actually I just want you to listen. Ever since I met you Juliet I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I hate myself so much for everything I've ever done to you. You are the most gorgeous, amazing, and heart warming woman I've ever met. That's why you deserve better, I don't deserve you. I never did and I never will, I will continue to fuck up and I can't have you sitting around for me while you should be out being happy."
"Luke, you don't get it. I will continue to be there because I didn't just promise myself but I promised you that I would be there for you, that I'd love you, that I'd be the best girlfriend I could possibly be." She spoke after picking up the glass.
"Promises are meant to be broken Juliet, this is one I'm okay with you breaking because I don't want you to be sad anymore." I nearly cried.
"Luke...I want to be with you." She said quietly. I stood up weakly, and
I stood above her, a tear rolled down her cheek, I wiped it away as always. "And I will always want to be with you too."
Juliet leaned up and kissed me, I put my hands on her waist, I lifted her thighs and brought them to rest on my hips as I held her up. The kiss got more intense as I moved back to her room.
She laid on her bed, "Luke, please don't leave me," she was almost sobbing.
"..I-I won't," I lied.
"I love you."
"I love you too," and that, that wasn't a lie.
I will forever be in love with her.
Until the day I fucking die.
-
A week later, things were bad again. I had to make her hate me. The morning after that night I left before she was awake, this past week I've been ignoring her. My heart ached every time she tried to talk to me and I had to turn my back. She started acting like we were a couple, trying to hold my hand, hugging me, telling me she loved me.
I'm going to end up killing muse one day cause I can't take it. I can't take rejecting her, to see the pain in her eyes of being turned down by the one she loved was too much for me, but I loved her too.
But this is what needed to happen.
I would move to California with the boys, she would go back to Australia with Danny and the girls.
Everything happens for a reason.
