Silent Pain

Chapter 20

The rest of the weekend was spent lounging around just spending quality time together. I think it was well deserved. Nathan even insisted I didn't cook just relaxed so we ordered out. We were nearing the end of Sunday night and getting ready to call it a night. "I do have to be on the office tomorrow. I have a few meetings I can't reschedule."
"No worries, I'll be fine."
"I have no doubt. Though you have an appointment with Eric tomorrow."
"If we need to reschedule..."
"No, no need. Tony will drive you and wait for you to finish then bring you back here."
"Don't you need him?"
"He'll drop me off at the office then pick you for your eleven am appointment and take you. All my meetings are in my building so I won't need him until I'm ready to come home. By then you'll be home."
"I don't want to put him out."
"You're not. This is his job and believe me he is heavily compensated. Though I am working on adding another driver so that you will have your own."
"You don't have to do that. I'm perfectly capable of getting myself around."
"Since your safety is my priority I'm going to let you know that is not going to happen. Try and argue all you want I will not budge on this."
They say learn to pick your battles but with Nathan there are no battles to choose. He does not relent on anything at all. I do understand where he is coming from but giving up my freedom is hard for me. I've been on my own able to do what I want when I want for too long. We're going to have to talk about this and come up with some sort of compromise here.
Once we made it to the bedroom we started getting ready for bed. "Baby I know you're upset."
"You think?"
"You need to understand where I'm coming from."
"I do and you need to understand where I am coming from."
"I do baby, believe me I do. I just can't relent until I know you are safe. Even then there will be precautions but I will lighten up. Until then I just can't."
"Don't you think you are overreacting just a bit?"
"No I don't. And I know Nick along with your brother and father agree with me."
"And I think they are over doing it as well."
"Between those damn phone call, the flowers and you feeling uneasy I'd say that I'm going to stick with my decision."
When he is scared for my safety there is no reasoning with him. "Fine, but as soon as we know I'm safe I"m going to need you to pull back a little."
"For now this is how it will be and we will revisit this when I feel your safety is no longer in jeopardy."
I finished brushing my teeth and hair then climbed into bed. I was done having this conversation with him. It was obviously getting me nowhere.
"Baby, don't hate me. I just want to take care of you."
"I don't hate you. I hate this situation. I miss my freedom. I need my freedom. I feel suffocated without it."
"That's not my intention."
"I know and I'm not throwing it out there for you to feel guilty. I'm simply telling you how I feel."
"Okay, I can accept that. That's more than fair."
"I'm trying but this is all new to me and you just came stem rolling in and took over. There was no time to adjust."
"Okay, I understand better on where you are coming from but I can't help it where you're concerned."
"There has to be a better way to handle all of this."
"We're both tired and have a long day tomorrow. Why don't we get some sleep and talk some more about this tomorrow."
"Yeah, I think you are right."
"Alright baby, get some rest."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight, beautiful."
The next morning arrived with the alarm on my phone screaming at me. I don't remember setting it which meant Nathan must have. It's something he would do. I hate to admit it was probably a good thing as I wouldn't have been up o time.
I decided to head downstairs first. The coffee was already brewing since he had it set me for. There was a note on the counter.

Kris,
    Breakfast is waiting for you in the warming drawer. Coffee is ready to go for you. Tony will pick you up by 10:30. Make sure you eat before you leave. I'll know if you don't. As much as I wish I could be there with you today I can't. I will be home in time for dinner. However, if you need anything don't hesitate to call.

Love,
                                                             Nathan

I"m not even surprised. I looked in the warming drawer to find pancakes, bacon and eggs. I sat the plate on the breakfast bar and made a cup of coffee. I also grabbed some orange juice. I can't complain too much it was delicious. And I didn't have to cook. After I ate I rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I hated leaving dirty dishes.
Once I was done with that I went back upstairs and took a shower. I brushed my teeth, brushed my hair and looked for something to wear. I grabbed a pair of jeans with a t-shirt. I threw on a hoodie over that and completed it with my converse sneakers.
Tony drops me off at Erics office and when I walk in there's no wait.
"Come on in, Kristina." Eric welcomed me back into his office.
"Okay."
We went into his office and I sat down as he closed the door. "It pays to be my last patient before lunch. No waiting."
"I like the idea of that."
"I figured you would. I know I'd always prefer it that way."
"I think anyone would."
"True, so how are you doing today?"
"I'm good."
"Okay, is there anything you want to discuss?"
"I think what I need to discuss wouldn't be fair."
"Why not?"
"It involves Nathan."
"Well, tell me what the issue is and we can take it from there."
"I'm struggling with how controlling he is. He has entered my life and just completely took over. At times I start to feel suffocated."
"Have you talked with him about how you feel?"
"Yes."
"And what has he said?"
"He's concerned for my safety. My past has him so worried that he can't see past it."
"Has anything happened to make him feel so strongly about this?"
"I've received a couple of phone calls from an unknown number. They never left a message so I figured it was just spam. He seems to disagree. Then flowers had been delivered to my place but there was no note. I wrote it off as being delivered to the wrong address. He doesn't think so."
"I think he does have some valid concerns, don't you?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"Yeah, but don't you think there may be a slight overreaction on his part?"
"Let's look at it from his point of view. He's aware of your past, correct?"
"Yes,but..."
"Keep seeing it from his perspective. He knows what you have been through. Then add that with what has been going on. He's making sure your safe. If this was someone else and you were in his shoes how would you feel?"
"I'd probably want to do whatever I could to keep them safe."
"And that's what he is doing. He's not purposely trying to suffocate you. He's even willing to accept you being upset with him. For a guy like Nathan that's a big sacrifice. I'm sure you have found some way to lash out at him or found some way to show your anger towards him. And believe me I would understand. Anyone in your shoes would. But the type of personality he has he doesn't let anyone get away with that but he has a soft spot for you. You can get away with so much more."
"When you put it that way it makes sense. It's still a struggle for me."
"Of course it is. I didn't say it would be easy. It's an adjustment."
"That's putting it mildly."
"Just remember you have to keep the lines of communication open."
"I get that. I just want to know he's listening to me."
"I've no doubt he is. What you want to be sure of is that he's hearing what you are saying and where you are coming from."
"I guess that's it."
"Of course. And it is very important that he does. So do you think he does or do you think he ignores what you are saying?"
"No, I think he hears me. He's acknowledged my concerns. I just wish he'd let up a little."
"What exactly is he doing?"
"I can't go anywhere without his driver taking me. I like my freedom to come and go where and when I want. He took that away."
"I see. Well like we have discussed he does have valid reasons that warrant that."
"If I relent and give in, when does it end?"
"Have you asked him?"
"He said that when my safety is no longer at risk we can discuss him pulling back the reigns a bit."
"See? Now is that so unreasonable?
"I guess not."
"Now, when everything is settled and things haven't changed we can revisit this."
"Okay, I can handle that."
"Was there anything else you wanted to discuss while you're here?"
"Honestly, no. That was the only thing on my mind."
"That's fair. This is what I am here for. Also don't be afraid to call if you need to talk. Just because we may not have a session at the time doesn't mean I won't listen and help talk you through whatever it is."
"Okay, I appreciate that. Most shrinks aren't like open like that. You'd have to make an extra appointment and that costs more."
"Well, I never believed that philosophy. The way I see it in order for you to be able to get the most out of therapy you need to be able to get help when you need it. Not when they can schedule it. And I definitely had the term shrink. Especially since I'm not like them."
"Fair enough. And I like your way of thinking."