Silent Pain

Chapter 10

We step out of the cafe and he turns to kiss me. It's not as passionate as the others but I figure its due to us being out in the middle of the walkway. When we break apart I can feel the loss. I look at him and see the adoration he has for me. "Thank you for the flowers. They are absolutely gorgeous."
"You're most welcome. They're not as gorgeous as you though. Nothing is. As far as I'm concerned there is nothing that can compare to your beauty."
I can't help but smile and its the most sincere smile I've had in so long. I'm falling too deep too fast. I only hope he can catch me when I fall.
"Come let's go." He leads me to a town car.
"I only live down the street."
"I insist. Please get in." His driver opens the back door and I climb in. "Thank you."
We start moving and I soon realize that we passed my place. "Um, Nathan, we passed my apartment building."
"I'm well aware."
"I thought you were taking me home."
"I am. I didn't say I was taking you to your home." He replied with a grin.
Oh he is just as sneaky as Nick. "Right."
"I'll make one apology. I admit I should have asked but I get the feeling you would have said no and I would really like the pleasure of your company."
"I guess it won't hurt. Not that I was given much of a choice." I glare at him. "But seeing as we seem to be officially together it makes sense."
"See that wasn't so hard. Was it?"
Part of me wanted him to kiss me like the last time. Like he wanted to devour me. Like he couldn't get enough of me. What the hell got into me? The fact that he's absolutely gorgeous. His tanned skin is so lick-able. And those bright blue eyes stand out with his jet black hair. And don't get me started on how he looks in those suits he wears.
I was so far off in my thoughts that it took me a minute to notice him staring at me. "Keep having those thoughts baby and I won't be held responsible for my actions."
"What thought?" I feigned innocent and hoped he wouldn't catch on.
"Oh, baby, your face gives you away. I know when someone is thinking naughty thoughts. Hey, I can't blame you. I think them every time I'm around you."
Oh someone help me. I'm completely embarrassed that he caught me. "Sorry." I shrugged.
"Don't apologize. Please, baby, you have nothing to apologize for. As a matter of fact I'm glad. I was starting to worry this was all one sided. It's a huge relief to find out it's not."
"You're right it's not one sided. It's just been a while since I let myself feel anything. And I'll admit your kisses have me melting every time. I can get lost in them."
"I feel the same way when I kiss you, baby. But I won't be kissing you just yet." My jaw just dropped and he was amused at the look of disappointment on my face. "The wait makes it all the better. Trust me."
Oh he's just pure evil. He rests his hand on my thigh and rubs it with his thumb only intensifying the heat I feel. I know what he's doing. He's trying to make me need him so that I won't want to resist him. He's good. Damn good.
This ride feels like an eternity. I tried to push his hand away for some relief but he replaced it right away. "What's wrong?" He asked with a smirk.
He knows just what he's doing and he plays dirty. I try once again to push his hand away but to no avail. He's persistent. He's certainly enjoying himself. "Don't worry, we're almost there."
I glower at him. How can he stand this? His self control is way too good. Well two can play this game. He thinks I'll just jump into bed with him the minute we get to his place he's mistaken. I'll play hard to get I'm good at it anyway. We'll see who's laughing and begging then.
Before I even get a chance to gather my strength he tells me that we arrived at his place. Here goes nothing.
We get out of the car and he escorts me into the building. When we walk in we are greeted right away by what I' m guessing is a security guard. "Good afternoon Mr. Black."
"Good afternoon George." He looks at me then back at George. "George this is Miss. Thomas she is my guest here today and is to be added to the permanent guest list."
"I'll get right on that Mr. Black. Is there anything else I can do for you today?"
"No thank you George. Have a good day."
"You as well. Good day Miss. Thomas."
I nod in response as I'm being pulled away by Nathan. He walks me over to a private elevator. I'm not even surprised. It opens right away for us to enter. It heads right up to his penthouse. "George is the head of security here so if you ever need anything when you're here let him know and he'll to it."
"Okay."
The elevator stops and the doors open. "We're here."
We step inside and I am swept away. This place is huge. You can tell it's his place with all the masculine accents. I still get the feeling of warmth and welcome. That could just be because I'm here with him and that's how he naturally makes me feel.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't realized he walked away only to return to my side with a glass of wine. "It looked like you may need this."
"Thank you. You have an amazing place."
"Thank you. Why don't we take a seat and we can talk."
"Yeah, sure."
"You seem...nervous. Do I make you nervous?"
"I guess I am a little. And yes and no. I think it's more the situation I guess. It's been a while since I left myself open to someone. And the last time I did it didn't exactly end very well."
"Then it's understandable. I don't want to rush you into anything and make you uncomfortable. I'm willing to go at your pace. I hope that relieves some of your worry."
"Thank you and yeah it does a little."
"That's good. I'm glad to hear that. I would really like this to work with us." All I can do is nod in response. He must have noticed that I hadn't touched my wine yet. "Not much of a drinker. Are you?"
"Sorry, no I tend to avoid alcohol."
"Why?" His concern is genuine and not judge mental.
"Alcohol does not agree with me very well. I tend to make bad decisions. After way too many of those I needed to stop drinking."
"I see. Well then I'll take away the temptation and I'll make a note of this. Though I'll tell you this as long as you're with me I'll make certain you avoid making any bad decisions. You have my word."
"Thank you. I appreciate that."
He leaves the room and comes back with two glasses of water. He must have noticed my look of confusion. "You stay sober I stay sober. I will not drink in front of you if you can't. It's not polite or respectful."
"You didn't have to but thank you. That's sweet of you."
He sits down next to me and caresses my face with his hand. What I wouldn't give for another one of his all consuming kisses. He looks into my eyes and it's as if he sees into me. It's a relief but scary at the same time. "I'm not going to make a move until you say yes. I want to kiss you so much but not until you want me to."
I struggle to catch my breath and I want him to. I need him to. "Yes." Was all I could get out before he was on me and consuming me.
He goes to take off my sweater and I freeze up. He senses my tension and apprehension. He goes to pull away. "Please don't stop."
"I don't want to."
"Then don't."
Once again he goes to take my sweater off and I freeze. "Baby, talk to me. What has you so tense?"
"Can you just go back to kissing me?"
"I want to more than anything but not until you tell me what's wrong."
I can't breath all of a sudden. I can feel a panic attack coming on. I get up and walk over the floor to ceiling windows and look out at the city. It looks so different from up here. I'm completely lost in my head that it took me a while to notice Nathan come up and stand behind me. He has his arms wrapped around me. He starts kissing my neck and I'm lost in him. He has his hands all over me and I am totally consumed. When he suddenly stops and it forces me to open my eyes. I turn to see him with a sad look on his face and I realize why. He had distracted me so much I didn't notice he took my sweater off. I looked down to see what he saw. My scars.
"Nathan?" I'm worried what he thinks of me now. Will he not want me anymore? Will he see what I see when I look in the mirror? That I'm a broken mess? "Please say something. Should I leave?"
"Huh? What? No, no don't leave. Why, Kristina?"
"I don't know. I'm not sure you still want me."
"What? No not why about you leaving. Why would you do that to yourself?"
"I told you alcohol and I don't get along."
"Bullshit."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm not buying that you just got drunk one day and decided to harm yourself. There's more to the story."
"You're right. And if we're going to be together you should know. I'd rather you find out everything from me than the media when they find out that I'm with you. The unfortunate perks of being in the media."
"I don't give a shit about the media."
"You should. With all your companies you're always on their radar. If you decide you want nothing to do with me after you hear my story I will completely understand."
"That will never happen."
"Just listen before you make a promises." He reluctantly nodded for me to continue.
"I'll start from the beginning. Mike isn't really my brother and John isn't really my father. Well not in the traditional way. John was responding to a call in the building I lived in with my mom and her shitty boyfriend. I was only eight so I don't know all of those details. All I remember is my mom not waking up and her boyfriend was nowhere to be found. John found me and was able to pull some strings and take me in." I pause a moment and sigh.
"I had no other family. And though he was a single father with his own son to take care of after losing his wife he wanted to adopt me. We just seemed to connect. He made me feel safe for the first time. From what he says it was a long process and took almost two years. But if finally became official and we all celebrated.
Now don't get me wrong because I love John more than anything but it seemed I ha some demons of my own to fight and as I got older I became a real nightmare of a daughter. I still don't know why but I was always getting into some kind of trouble. When I turned fifteen I had found out exactly what had happened to my mom and I guess a switch had flipped inside me. I became angry. Not at John but I guess at the world." I pause needing a minute.
"My mom was killed by her boyfriend because she refused to let him loan her to his friends. That's how he was going to get his next fix but she refused and it pissed him off. Now try being a well respected cop and having your fellow cops bringing your daughter home for hanging out with gang members and getting drunk and high. I knew I made him angry but to his credit he never showed it. I think deep down he understood. He wanted to help me so bad but I refused to talk.
When I turned sixteen I met my ex Elijah Williams. My dad knew exactly who he was and for the first time really put his foot down and forbid me to see him. Or at least he tried. Eli was the leader of the local gang The Vipers and had quite the reputation. I would sneak out all the time just to see him. No matter how many times my dad would ground me or lay into me I couldn't give up Eli. I can't tell you why even to this day. He was an asshole.
Well on my seventeenth birthday we got into a huge argument and I stormed off. But not before I grabbed one of his most expensive bottles of whiskey and drank the whole thing on the way home. I stormed into my room and slammed my door locking it. Mike tried to get me to talk to him but I didn't want to talk to anyone." I need another break.
"I through this crystal figurine I had and it smashed against the wall and shattered. I grabbed a piece of the glass and went into my bathroom and locked that door. Mike heard the commotion and started banging on my door demanding I let him in. I was too lost to even care at this point. I knew he called our father because I heard the door crash in. Next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital with my arms bandaged up. He was furious and rightfully so. But he was more concerned than anything.
After that he wouldn't let me out of his sight for the next month or so. I was forced to go to therapy and eventually i told him everything. I felt so bad for how I was but he wouldn't have it. He's a saint trust me when I say that. He was more concerned with getting me help than getting angry. I still fight some of those demons even today. So like I said if you want nothing to do with me I understand."
"Oh baby, that isn't going to make me give you up. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. But I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
I couldn't help but feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders. "Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me."
"You don't have to tank me. I told you there's nothing that you could tell me to make me leave. I do have one question though."
"Okay, what?"
"What ever happened to Elijah?"
"He got picked up for a murder. He's claiming his innocence but I'm sure he's guilty. He also blames me. There's a reason why I stay working from home and a reason why I stay off social media."
"But he's in jail, right?"
"Yeah, but he's also trying to fight it still."
"Of course. I wouldn't expect anything less. Don't worry. You're safe as long as you're with me. I just need one promise from you."
"What's that?"
"Promise me no matter what that you'll never hurt yourself again. No matter what happens you'll just come to me."
"I promise."