Cigarette Daydreams

2017

The 2017 season starts off confusingly, maybe the best word to describe it is unexpected, at least for Lewis. With Mercedes' previous years of dominance and with his rival gone, Lewis thought the season would be open for him to dominate from start to finish, and when this doesn't happen it's like a bucket of cold water.

It's not like he's losing badly, after five races he's neck and neck with Sebastian, but now he feels different, it's no longer his teammate who was the underdog, it's a four-time world champion on the other side, driving a Ferrari that looks very promising, he can't help but feel intimidated, especially because he has already seen what Vettel can do with a good car.

The possibility of losing for the second time in a row makes him fearful. At night, when silence dominates his room, he feels the walls slowly moving in and enclosing him. The need to prove himself is overwhelming, but he doesn't know what to do to be better, he feels he's at his maximum now, but his maximum just doesn't seem to be enough.

Sometimes, when Lewis can get his mind off the championship, he thinks of Max, he wonders if the dutchman would understand him like he did last time, he thinks of the things Max could do with him when he needs to clear his head. Lewis refuses to accept that he will never forget that night, he doesn't understand the magic in Max's eyes, but somehow, the so kind blue eyes stick in his mind and refuse to leave. He's losing control again.

___

Monaco is everything Lewis didn't need to make the paranoia in his mind worse. Monaco is all Lewis needed to look for Max again.

It's been a long time, months, Lewis feels his skin tingle with anticipation, Max is right in front of him, alone, leaning against the bar, but his blue eyes still don't meet his brown ones, Lewis just wants to take the blonde from the luxury yacht they're on to his apartment. After endless minutes, Max finally looks at him, this time he laughs, it's almost a mocking laugh, he shakes his head as if he can't believe what he's seeing. Lewis finds him fascinating.

He waits for Max to come to him, but all the younger man does is stare at him, maybe Max is playing too, Lewis waits, refusing to do Max's bidding, even if, at the end of the day, he's there for his own pleasure. Max doesn't move a muscle, he seems so dedicated to his mission to act like a brat, and Lewis doesn't want to give in, he doesn't want to, but he's just a man, so his body gives in, even if his mind says no.

"Why does this scene keep happening?" Max is so close now, his alcoholic breath invading Lewis's nostrils.

"Let's get out of here." Lewis doesn't even ask.

Max laughed out loud, tilting his head back. "Why?"

"Because I know you want it too." Lewis is confident, at least on the outside, but inside there's a twinge that makes him feel insecure, which isn't very common for him, but Max seems so loose and relaxed now, that it intimidates him a little, he refuses to think it's fear of rejection.

"You came after me, now and the other times. So why me? Why do you keep coming back?" Max doesn't seem so confident now, Lewis can sense the insecurity in the blond's words, even if he tries to disguise it.

"Because you're easy and because you understand." Lewis knows it's risky to be so direct, but looking at how the dutchman behaves, he risks being sincere and it works.

"What exactly do I understand?" Max doesn't even question "easy", because there's no denying it.

"Mad Max". That's all Lewis needs to say for Max's expression to change.

"What? What the fuck do you mean?" Max's face is now angry.

"People calling you that, doubting you. You say you don't care, but I know you do." Lewis pokes at the bruise like it's nothing.