Cigarette Daydreams

2021- last part

Everything gets rushed when he sets foot in the United States, it will be two consecutive races in which Lewis thinks there's no alternative but to win. It's not just him who thinks about it, he has recurring meetings about it, the media talks about it, his father reminds him, there are only a few races to go, Max is getting closer to the trophy, he's too far away, maybe not literally, but that's the feeling that stays with him.

Lewis knows that anxiety leads to despair, and that leads to anger and frustration, and in the end, he attributes this as the reason for his disagreement with Max in the first practice session. They acted childishly and he felt so angry that he couldn't help but complain on the radio about Verstappen's "dangerous and petty" attitude, even though it was both their fault, even though he also had a petty attitude.

But it's hard for Lewis to admit that his rival is also anxious, he thinks he's the only one with the right to be nervous about what's going on since he's the one at a disadvantage. But that's not how things work, and he realizes it when Max doesn't talk to him for the rest of the weekend.

It's not something that bothers him, in fact he thanks Max for keeping his distance, he knows that he's not well and that his mind is too fervent, distance is now the best way not to fight, he doesn't want to erase all the progress they've made. But he also can't help missing that warmth that embraced them in Turkey, the warmth that is now present is one of those exhausting ones, the kind that burns the skin.

The distance between them doesn't interfere on the track, it's a difficult race and they finish close in qualifying and the race, very close, but Lewis only finishes second in both. Everything then gets harder to do, the pressure is so much that he feels like throwing up, there are only three races to go and he's lost again, he's letting the championship slip through his fingers.

He's not feeling good. He's not good.

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F1News: The pleasant weather has gone again and Hamilton and Verstappen duel hard on the track again, the Dutchman taking the win and Hamilton a bitter second place, see the drivers' statements:

"It was a difficult weekend, more difficult than I expected, but if that guy is willing not to keep the race healthy it's not my fault. Luckily nothing happened this time. All my thoughts are now on Mexico, I need to recover." Hamilton comments.

"It was difficult, but we got a very good result, but I'm not going to let my guard down, the difference is small, I need to take every possible point. I'm not interested in Lewis' mind games, I just want to do my job and win." Verstappen comments.

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He doesn't want to remember what happened in Mexico.

He doesn't want to remember the booing.

He doesn't want to remember the insults.

He doesn't want to remember the defeat.

He doesn't want to remember that after the race he threw up in a garbage can while having a panic attack.

He doesn't want to remember the way Max didn't even care about him.

He doesn't want to remember the way Max seemed to choose being with Daniel over him.

He doesn't want to remember what he said in the interviews, he doesn't want to remember what he heard Max say.

He's not fine, but he thinks he can pretend as he walks home with Max by his side who is also pretending that everything is fine.

They said they weren't going to pretend anymore, but it's hard to keep that promise when all they do on the track is fight, and even though they don't want to mix work and personal life, it's inevitable that it will happen at this point. He'd like to get home, lie down next to his boyfriend, and complain about things, but how can he do that when the focal point of his complaints is the guy lying next to him?