Cigarette Daydreams

2021 pt.4

After the awkward and tearful conversation, all they do is ignore what happened while trying to keep harmony. Lewis tries to be a better boyfriend, even though he's still angry, he doesn't have much choice, he and Max are stuck with each other until the Russian Grand Prix, so he ignores the memories in his head and tries to treat Max as before. He wakes up and waits for his boyfriend so they can eat together, he cooks for them at lunch, he even watches football with Max, and he hates football.

But he knows that's not enough, so little by little he tries to talk about what's going on in their lives, but he never manages. Every time he tried, Max initiated sex as an attempt to shut him up, of course it's always worked, Lewis would never be able to deny his boyfriend sex, but this doesn't mean that, after they finished, he didn't feel bad.

It was like going back to the bohemian nights, the meaningless sex, the emptiness after orgasm, Max never knew, but one of the times Lewis had to hide in the bathroom to cry, he had never felt so miserable after something good.

But Lewis isn't the only one suffering, and he knows it, he watches Max fake smiles whenever he's being watched, he knows that the blond always tries to please, never going against anything Lewis suggests, somehow they're both trying to keep the peace, and it's working if anyone watches them from the outside, but everything inside them screams chaos, everything to them seems artificial, every hug, every smile, every kiss, the sex.

Nothing is the same as it was before, and maybe it never will be again.

...

The artificial bubble bursts abruptly.

Lewis once again tried to talk about his feelings, Max once again shut Lewis up by putting his mouth on his cock. They ended up on the bed, with the blond riding his cock relentlessly, there was nothing to be said, no moans to be heard, all there was, was the sound of their bodies colliding and Max's panting.

Lewis just allows, he sits there, he likes the wet, hot, tight feeling, he even closes his eyes and tries to concentrate only on the pleasure, but he can't for long and his eyes turn to Max again, his mind fluctuates between ecstasy and problems, he gets so lost in this ambiguity that it takes him a while to realize that Max is crying, he knows it's not in a good way when he sees that his boyfriend's cock is completely flaccid.

"Max, that's enough." Lewis says, holding Max's waist tightly so that he stops moving.

The blond ignores his hands and continues to ride Lewis's cock, which begins to soften. "I can do it." Max says in a cutting voice.

Knowing that Max is not going to give up, he holds on tighter and turns them around, with this movement, his cock quickly comes out of Max, who shudders at the loss.

"You're crying, please Max, we have to talk." Lewis insists, holding the blond man's face, who closes his eyes, causing more tears to fall.

"We've already talked, why can't you just leave things as they are? We're fine." Max says and pushes Lewis away, they move apart, and Max gets out of bed looking for his clothes, his body still trembling and tears still flowing.

"Fine? You started crying while we were having sex, we're not fine Max." Lewis exclaims and starts putting his clothes on too.

"It shouldn't be a problem, you like it when I cry." Max scoffs, even though to Lewis his expression only looks pained.

"Max, don't shy away from the subject, I'm always trying to talk to you, you always start the sex as a way to get away from the subject, I thought you wanted this, why do you suddenly not want to talk anymore? Why do you want to live this life of lies?" Lewis loses his temper and raises his voice, scaring not only Max, but himself with his volatile anger.