Cigarette Daydreams

2021 pt.2

Baku is the worst of all worlds for Lewis, he saw Max retire from the race because of a blown tire and had the opportunity to score 25 points and retake the championship lead, until he makes a mistake, no matter how much his team says it was an accident, no matter how much he tries to think it was an accident, it wasn't, and he knows it.

He looks at his hands and feels his fingers tremble at the memory, a simple spasm, or maybe a conscious movement, he can't define it, made him go straight instead of making the turn, his "magic brakes" let him down, he turned off this system off normally as he always did, but at some point during the restart, he hit and activated, a simple mistake ended his race.

Anger consumes him and he can only blame himself, he calculates in his head and puts together scenarios in which he loses the championship because of the valuable points he lost today through his own fault. He feels like crying, screaming, hitting himself, his thoughts won't leave him alone and his head hurts because of it.

He stays in his own hotel, this time not going to find Max, or asking Max to find him, he doesn't want to discuss what went wrong for the other driver, because he doesn't care, he can only think about what went wrong for him, but he doesn't want to share those thoughts with his rival either. Besides, he knows that being with Max now would only be a mixture of anger and frustration that could potentially fuel an explosion and he doesn't want to fight.

So he sits alone, sinking into his self-pity, creating scenarios, feeling stupid and sad, he starts to think about the next races, a week off and then a triple round, he already feels exhausted just thinking about it, but now he just wants to go home, his house, his apartment, no Max, just silence.

F1News: In a year marked by intense competition between Verstappen and Hamilton, the Dutchman's tires burst and the Brit makes a mistake, throwing away the opportunity to regain the lead. See the statements below:

"It's disappointing what happened," said Verstappen. "We lost a lot of points, we could have opened up a lead in the championship. To have something like this happen so close to the end is very frustrating and dangerous, I'm fine but the car isn't." The Red Bull driver added.

"We worked hard this weekend to get back into the top-10, it seemed to be going really well. But I put it all at risk." Hamilton explains. "I fought as hard as I could today and on that restart, I think when the Checo got close to me, I pressed a button, he turned off the brakes and went straight over. Very difficult, I'm sorry for the team." He finished disappointed.

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It's been a long time since Lewis last felt the need to be alone in his refuge, he looks around and everything is still the same, everything perfectly in place, he kept one person cleaning his entire apartment even when he stopped going, he knew that one day or another he would have to go back.

The triple round was difficult, losing three races, in addition to the disaster in Baku, was extremely difficult, he's 32 points behind, the pressure he puts on himself is only growing, the pressure others put on him is absurd. All the time he's being questioned, all the time people are doubting his ability, a seven-time world champion losing to a young talent, everyone just wants to talk about it.

He feels the control of things slipping out of his hands, the championship is in the hands of the Red Bull driver, his narrative is being controlled by people who seem to want him to fall, no one seems to give a damn that he's trying, everyone just focuses on his mistakes, thousands of questions about his real talent, he doesn't know what to do, what to feel, how to prove himself to these people, he feels lost, again.

That's why he goes to his refuge, even if he sees the disappointed look on Max's face, even if Max asks him, for the first time, to stay, even if Max says he'll support him in everything, even if Max tells him that he shouldn't listen to "the vultures of the media", even if Max says "it's okay" with watery eyes as he leaves.