Misunderstandings | Namgi

Chapter 23

Namjoon POV

The next morning rolls around far quicker than I anticipate, not having gotten much sleep the night before. I have no doubt Yoongi was lacking on sleep most of the night as well, but I think he managed to fall asleep somewhere in the last two hours. He's exhausted enough that when I attempt to crawl out from underneath him and out of bed, he doesn't so much as stir, a peaceful sight on his face that makes me feel only marginally better about having allowed him to convince me to actually sleep in the same bed as him.

I know in all reality he needs to be getting up so that the two of us can be off to work soon, even if we were never actually given strict schedules to abide by, but I don't have the heart to do that to him this morning, not when he's gotten such little sleep yet, not when I know I'm the reason why.

Instead, I busy myself with dressing in lounge clothes and wandering off to the kitchen, hoping that they've kept the fridge stocked so that I can maybe try to make him breakfast in bed. He may not be making me work for it, but I still have every intention of proving myself, knowing that at the very least I want to feel like I've somewhat tried to earn his forgiveness instead of take it for granted, knowing that I still have Taehyung to be proving myself to.

I hum softly to myself when I find the fridge fully stocked, thinking for a moment as to what all I could make for him out of what all they've got here. It's a much better selection that I would've anticipated, a better selection that what Yoongi and I probably used to keep around, certainly better than what I'd have kept if I'd have been on Yoongi's end of what happened all those months ago. I try not to dwell too much on that thought, beginning to pull out a bunch of ingredients so that I can get cooking, not being dumb enough to believe his lack of sleep earlier in the night is a guarantee that I've got plenty of time before he's awake and moving again.

It's a quiet morning, the weather outside somewhat dreary, something that tugs a smile onto my face as I recall just how much Yoongi always loved these mornings. He always found them peaceful and relaxing, always loved just lazing around and watching the rain fall, listening to it pitter patter against the roof and windows.

I'm hardly halfway through breakfast, having made sure that I was making enough for three, before I hear the sound of padded footsteps, easily guessing it to be Taehyung as I recall the way it used to sound when Yoongi would wander into the kitchen while I would cook. When I twist my upper body around to check, I'm proven correct, finding the younger to have slipper clad feet as he moves to take a seat at the table in the room.

"Yoongi hyung isn't up yet?" Taehyung asks with a yawn. I purse my lips at the question before nodding, wondering if I'm about to get the scolding of a lifetime from the elder's cousin since we're alone at the moment.

"He only just fell asleep in the last couple of hours. Figured I'd let him rest." I murmur in answer, deciding to turn around since the food I'm making needs to just sit and cook for a bit. I lean back against the counter beside the stove, watching as Taehyung rubs his hands over his face before looking up at me. He looks as tired as I feel, and it makes me wonder if he slept any better than Yoongi and I.

"He really loves you, ya know." Tae breathes out, his words making my gaze fall to my feet. His words hurt, feeling that he has far more to say to me than that, feeling that he wants to - albeit understandably - rip my heart to shreds for being here right now after everything I've put all of us through.

"More than I deserve, I know." I mutter, heart feeling so terribly heavy in my chest. I can feel the younger's gaze on me though I don't bother looking back over to him, not caring to find a glare in his eyes. The last forty eight hours have been a painful whirlwind enough for be, dealing with a lot of difficult things more than I ever thought I'd be facing in life, and I don't care to have yet another glare being sent my way even if I know I deserve it.

"He hasn't been to therapy since you left. He never broke, though he fought Hobi and I tooth and nail on everything. I thought it was just because that was how badly you had fucked him up. That it was just how strong he'd grown to be able to still not break despite all the opportunities and reasons he's had to do exactly that. I don't think Hobi or I ever actually knew how much he must've loved you, how much he does love you, even if I'd had an idea since I knew what he wanted to do that night." Taehyung says with a sigh, and I can feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes at all of this, not understanding why he's telling me any of it.

"Hyung has grown incredibly strong over the years, but I don't think it has anything to do with why he didn't break. I think it has everything to do with you, Namjoon."

My head snaps up at this, brows furrowed in confusion as I look at the younger sat at the table. His expression is unreadable, leaving me feeling even more lost in all of this, and his tone provides no hints as to how much he does or doesn't approve of all of this. I glance back to the food beside me for a moment to make sure it doesn't burn, frowning as I move to begin tending to it again.

"What do you mean it has everything to do with me?" I question quietly, not entirely certain that I want the answer but knowing the question needs to be asked. I can't just let him leave it at that, want to understand in hopes that maybe it'll help me with moving forward with Yoongi.

"I mean, I don't think he ever fully came to terms with the fact that you left. I think he didn't let himself break as much as he wanted to, because I think he thought that if he broke, then it meant everything that happened was real, that it truly had happened. I don't think Yoongi ever accepted that you left him, and I think he knew he had every right to break when you left. I think he kept himself from breaking in hopes that you would come back, believing that if he didn't break then it couldn't be true, that your absence in his life wouldn't last."

His words leave me frozen, trying to process it all, trying to wrap my head around everything. It's comforting to know that he's still stayed clean and sober since I left, comforting that he never let himself go back to what he knew before me. It's painful at the same time though, hurts to know that I ever could've left someone who loved me to that extent, hurts to know that I had wholeheartedly believed at any point that he would've cheated on me, that he had been. It hurts knowing I meant that much to anyone, knowing I left someone who felt so strongly towards me the way I had, kills me to know just how stupid I had been.

"He's not going to make you work for you as much as he knows he should, Namjoon. He's not going to make you work for it because he never came to terms with the fact that you left, even if he knows you did. He may be trusting you, but he isn't as confident about all of it as he may show you. Don't let that allow you to be complacent with him, Namjoon. He knows you have a lot of redeeming to do, even if he refuses to acknowledge and admit it."