Misunderstandings | Namgi

Chapter 25

Namjoon POV

It's a few hours later when Yoongi and I are sat in his studio together, him at his desk while I'm sprawled out on his couch in his room. He's not facing me, but I don't really mind it, knowing we're both actually getting some work done for the first time since we've both probably started. Granted, he's hopefully being a little more productive than I am.

I can't stop thinking back over this morning, mulling over both the conversation with Taehyung as well as the way Yoongi had reacted this morning. Taehyung's words have been stuck in my head, and the more time I spend around Yoongi, the more I can see exactly what he's saying. It's in the way Yoongi refuses to talk about what happened, the hues of fear in his eyes that emerge at the very thought of it all, the sadness that comes crashing down around himself.

As much as I believe he's more than strong enough for us to have the conversation about what happened, as much as I want to believe that it would be for the better for both of us that we have that conversation, I wonder if maybe Taehyung is more right than I want to believe, wonder if maybe Yoongi knows exactly what his cousin meant when Tae told me his thoughts on the matter despite not having been around.

The last thing I want to do is potentially ruin all of Yoongi's efforts, break the streak he's got going for himself with his sobriety and staying clean. The way Yoongi seems to want to avoid the conversation like the plague makes me wonder, the fear in his eyes this morning begs the question in my mind, wondering if maybe he really would break if he faces it head on. It's certainly not my place to judge regardless, I haven't been through what he's been through, and if having that conversation is what's going to break him beyond the clean streak he's had, then I suppose it's only right to let him be able to avoid the conversation for as long as he likes.

At the end of the day, it isn't like he doesn't acknowledge the fact of what happened. His reactions are enough even if he won't vocalize it. His reactions acknowledge what happened for him, even if he won't face it directly. It's not like he's acted like it never happened, even if he's tried, even if he's trying.

I could've been the reason he broke and threw three years of hard work down the drain back when I made that stupid decision. I'm not going to do something that seems to rather clearly put that in jeopardy now that I've managed to get him back.

"Joon?"

My head snaps up from my notebook in my lap at the sound of the elder's voice, looking over at Yoongi curiously. There's nerves bouncing around in his eyes when they land on my form once he's turned around, making me wonder just what exactly it is that's on his mind.

"What's up, baby?" I ask softly, watching as his gaze falls from me to the floor between us. It doesn't give me a good feeling, but with the fact that he's avoided the one topic that could really pull us both down, I'm at a loss as to what he's thinking about.

"Why... Why did you make your mind up that I was cheating? Why is that the first place that your mind went?" Yoongi mumbles out, hands fisting the ends of his sweater sleeves and making sweater paws out of them. The sight of him doing so would be unbearably adorable if he weren't doing it out of nerves over what he's asking, if he weren't asking the kind of question that he is.

I purse my lips as I set my notebook down on the cushion in front of me, rubbing my hands roughly over my face for a moment as I accept the fact that I'll have to talk about this. About something that I've managed to run from for a very long time.

"It's... not fair to you, but it's because of my dad. He... he used to be gone a lot when I was growing up, would just tell my mom and I that he was going out and he'd be back in a while. Neither of us ever had a clue of where he was going, but mom told me that he was having a hard time at work so we figured he was out just blowing off steam. After who knows how long, we found out that that hadn't been what he was doing at all. He'd been cheating on my mother, we'd both been there when we caught them together. I was still wrapped up in all that you were when we were first together, that it never even really processed that you were gone and how much it effected you, especially since we were both still in school.

"Those last few months... I was getting nervous because I'd been thinking about our future together. Because of how nervous I was, I guess it made me pay a lot more attention to us than before, really zeroing in on how much you were gone and the effects it'd have on you. With not having a clue that it was your cousin you were with that day... I felt like I was seven years old again seeing my dad with some bitch. All I could think about and see was you with him. I never really bothered facing my dad after we caught him and my mom kicked him out. I should've asked you about why you were out so often to somewhere I didn't know. I should've communicated better, Yoon. I shouldn't have put my father's wrongs onto you like that. I'm sorry for that, Yoon." I manage to breathe out, feeling the lump in my throat growing.

Looking back up at the elder on the other side of the room, his lips are pursed, a thoughtful expression to his face as he nods shallowly. I don't know why he asked or why he brought it up so suddenly, especially when seeming to want to avoid anything and everything to do with this I kind of topic.