Misunderstandings | Namgi

Chapter 13

Namjoon POV

Gathering my things up to head home, my mind is still whirling from this morning. I've not gotten any work done whatsoever today, which is annoying in it of itself, but what makes it worse is that all I've been able to do is think about Yoongi. It's driven me insane that it's all I've been able to accomplish today, which quite frankly isn't anything. Thinking about Yoongi gets me nowhere and isn't something that's going to help me work.

The only issue is that I can't seem to stop thinking about him, about what Hoseok has said and how he reacted earlier. I just don't get it.

The boy I'm almost certain Yoongi'd been cheating on me with is actually his cousin, which would mean he couldn't have been with him in that kind of way. That doesn't account for all the times that he'd be busy outside of class though. Three days a week for two hours he'd always be gone out doing something. He'd come home and sometimes he'd be able to look at me and talk, would seem to be in a good mood. Other times, he'd come home and wouldn't even look at me, just looked drained and wouldn't talk much the rest of the night. He never said where he was going or what he'd be up to during those times, and I always hated that. How am I supposed to be able to trust my boyfriend when he's out doing who knows what for two hours three days a week?

It just... None of it adds up. Hoseok seems so certain that Yoongi never cheated on me. The guy that I saw Yoongi with on the day of our anniversary was actually just his cousin. But then why were there days he'd be more distant than others? Why were there days where he'd be overly clingy? Where would he go without telling me and were there more times than that where he'd disappear without telling me where he was going and I didn't know?

I groan in frustration with myself, running both hands through my hair. Slinging my bag over my shoulder with the few things I have to take home with me, I huff quietly as I step out of my studio and double check it locked behind me. Glancing over at Yoongi's studio, all I can really tell is that the lights inside are still turned on. I roll my eyes at the sight before turning and walking away, shaking my head at myself.

I have to get a fucking grip. I can't be thinking about Yoongi all of the time so suddenly when I've got my wedding just less than two weeks out now. I never once had any doubts about where Jin might be or if he's ever with someone else behind my back, and that's the kind of person I want to be with. Not someone who keeps shit from me like Yoongi did. Yoongi shouldn't even be of any fucking importance to me anymore.

Though, as I'm climbing into my car and shutting my door behind me, I find myself pausing and looking back up at the building in front of me. I sigh softly as I allow myself to begin to wander in thought again, turning the car on and beginning to drive away.

I just can't help it. I can't help but think about what he and I could've been if I had never ended things. I can't help but wonder what would've happened to the two of us by now, if we'd still have been together or if I would've found him cheating properly, or if maybe I could've figured out what exactly he was doing when he was gone. It's hard things to think about and it makes me feel guilty as I know I'm going home to my fiancé. It's just...

Surprisingly, I kind of actually miss him...

I've missed all of those night we would cuddle up together in bed or on the couch and watch movies until we both fell asleep. I've missed the days where we'd wander the streets until we found a music store that Yoongi would drag us into so that he could play a piece on the piano for me. I've missed having him waiting for me when I'd get done with class or done with work. I've missed how gentle and sweet he always was. He was always so caring and gentle with me, even more so when I'd get sick. He'd skip classes to stay home and take care of me and help nurse me back to health. He always only cared about the little things that weren't always as obvious, though he wasn't always the best at showing his emotions and always needed reassurance probably every month or two that I still loved him and wanted to be with him.

It's weird to finally allow myself to feel those things and actually acknowledge it, makes me feel guilty to be feeling this way and missing a man that isn't the one I'm marrying in twelve days.