Jump From the Air (Erudite Series #5)

Simula

"Akin na 'yang kanang kamay mo, Mommy."

Kapag hawak mo ang kamay ng isang tao, hindi ba't simbolo iyon ng tulong? Kumbaga, gumagaan ang problema mo. Puwes, bakit kapag ako ang may hawak ng kamay, parang lalo akong nahihirapan dalhin ang problema ko?

"Naiihi na 'ko," ani Mommy habang inaalalayan ko siya papuntang banyo. Hindi kasi kasiya ang wheelchair niya papasok sa CR, e. Kaya, tumatayo na lang siya, alalay ko, para gamitin ang CR. Pero kapag maliligo ay may upuan siya sa shower area.

"Ito na," sabi ko pabalik habang binababa ang kaniyang panty.

Binaba ko si Mommy sa toilet at pinahawak sa aking baywang habang kapit ko ang likod niya. She peed and let out a sigh. Tapos, ginamit niya ang tabo upang linisin ang kaniyang pribadong ari. Ilang segundo ang lumipas at itinayo ko na siya. Humawak siya sa akin habang sinusuot ko muli ang panty niya.

Then, I helped her out until she could sit in her wheelchair. I went back to my desk and answered the remaining items I had on my homework, I was answering an economics activity. But then, Mommy called me again.

"Jil, magsaing ka na ng kanin, alas singko na pala," saad ni Mommy. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Okay," I muttered before getting up again.

Bumaba ako sa hagdan at sinalubong ni Maki, ang aso ko. I patted his head before entering the kitchen. Kumukuha na si Mommy ng mga kakailanganin niya para sa ulam na iluluto niya. 

Ako ang tagahugas ng bigas dahil mahirap para kay Mommy linisin ang bigas since kailangan nakatayo ka para do'n. Sa pagluluto kasi mismo ng mga putahe namin, mababa ang pinaglalagiyan ng stove kaya naman nakakaya ni Mommy maghalo at magluto. Pinababasa niya lang sa akin ang mga ingredients na kailangan linisin. The cutting and other things, she does by herself.

But this was not the only chore I did. I also wash the clothes and hang them. I clean my room and Maki. Plus, I wash the dishes. But Mommy is the one who wipes the whole first floor clean. Except for high places, though, she leaves those for me to clean.

And the most crucial chore is washing Mommy.

Daddy works in Italy as a nurse, and he earns enough to send me to a good school, provide for Mommy's medical expenses, and sustain the house bills. Hindi na kaya mag-hire ng personal nurse dahil ubos na ang pinadadala ni Daddy sa bawat paghahati ni Mommy ng bayarin. 'Tsaka, ayaw ni Mommy na iba ang humawak sa kaniya at mag-alaga.

So, I was stuck doing what she refused to receive from others.

I was tired of it.

But I still did it.

Puwede na ba ako matawag na martyr?

Hindi naman masamang nanay si Mommy. But she did have her moments where she completely disregarded what I did for her. That is what pushes my buttons to question my situation and our life. 

Why did I have to be the girl whose mother was cruel at times despite my efforts for her?

Why was I the daughter experiencing this?

Was it a curse? Was my life a curse? Was I...

Ever since I was tasked to take care of Mommy, I often thought of these questions. They've never left my head. Maybe because the ache I felt never decreased. It was actually steady. And, stable pain was still bad news despite not rising, right?

Nonetheless, Mommy supports me in whatever I pursue. Daddy wanted me to take something like engineering since I was good at math, but it wasn't a subject I actually enjoyed doing. So, I was thankful for Mommy when she contradicted my Dad in that aspect. But Dad doesn't really push his thought on what program I should take.