Jump From the Air (Erudite Series #5)

Kapitulo 22

"Sabi mo kay Wren noon, liligawan mo lang ako kapag napakita mo na lahat ng vulnerabilities mo," I opened a conversation while Kalon and I were waiting for our food.

"Inisip ko after no'n na puwede naman na kita ligawan habang pinapakita ko 'yong vulnerabilities ko," he explained.

"Okay, gets," a new batch of customers came into the restaurant and sat nearby.

"Two birds with one stone. Anyway, nabenta mo lahat ng pagkain ninyo 'tsaka inumin?"

"Yeah, thankfully, ubos naman."

"Nice, off to a good start."

"I know, sana maubos hanggang Friday, para maraming mabili at mabigay sa mga bata."

"You really like kids, 'no?"

Tumango ako at pinagmasdan ang table namin bago nagsalita muli.

"I don't have any siblings. Pero soft talaga ako sa mga bata, ewan, I think it's just because..." I pause and look at my date.

Maybe, it was okay to tell him about my life. After all, if he showed me his vulnerabilities, I think it was fine if I did too.

"I felt neglected when I was younger, in high school," dugtong ko bago ibaling ang mga mata sa ibang bagay.

"Bakit? Paano?" Kalon asked.

Bumuntong hininga ako at sumagot.

"My mother got into an accident before, her legs and feet became paralyzed. During that time... my Dad left for Italy to work. I was in high school and had to care for my mother."

Kalon listened intently while I was baring myself.

Somehow, kahit na ito ang unang beses na kinuwento ko ang buhay ko sa iba, it didn't feel uncomfortable. I was shy, but I actually wanted to talk about it with someone. I wanted someone to listen to me talk about my pain, something... that has been kept for a long time.

Dati, gusto kong ang mga magulang ko ang makinig sa akin. Pero habang tumatagal ay napansin kong hindi rin naman nila ako inuunawa. Ilang ulit ko na sinabi kay Daddy noon na nahihirapan ako. Paulit-ulit lang siya humingi ng tawad. Alam ko namang kapag bumalik siya rito, hindi niya kakayaning bayaran lahat ng gastusin namin dahil hindi hamak na mas maliit ang suweldo rito sa Pilipinas kaysa sa Italy. Kaya, nauunawaan ko, pero nahihirapan pa rin ako. Si Mommy naman ay tila bingi sa aking mga hinaing dati pa. She was always avoidant of any serious conversation about our life. It was like she was allergic to hearing whatever I wanted to say so that we could change our lives.

Maybe this was really the reason why I never told any friend I was going through a difficult time at home.

Pamilya ko pa nga lang, hindi na ako pinapansin, ibang tao pa kaya.

At saka, baka husgahan lang ako ng ibang tao. Mahirap magkuwento, more often than not, people will think badly of your words or decisions.

I inhaled before speaking again.

"Since I was 13 I was taking care of Mommy. Maybe that's why I liked doing anything for kids so much—I never want them to feel like I did while growing up. So, I try to understand them as much as I could because... kids only want people to understand them."

Kids only want love. Kids only want patience. Kids only want kindness.

Kids only want families that are families.

Tumigil ako sa pagsasalita nang mapansing paparating na ang pagkain namin.

Kalon was quiet as we ate. I think he was processing the things I said. Well, it was a bomb attack. Bigla ko na lang kinuwento ang buhay ko, I guess, I, too, would be speechless if I heard that from someone else. No matter how much I wanted to comfort that person, I wouldn't know which words to say.