h̶u̶g̶s̶ a̶n̶d̶ kisses

twenty-seventh; realisations & truths

if you told me three years ago, i would comfort the worst person i thought was on earth (next to my mom), i would've laughed in your face and sent you off to see a psychiatrist.

but here i was, hugging my worst enemy (that ended up being my not so worst enemy in the last few seconds).

i hugged her tightly, as if i was pushing out the tears she held back all this time.

i didn't lie, she was sobbing loudly in my arms. i totally didn't mind. i actually came with the intention to let her cry on my shoulder. i came with the intention to stitch up all the wounds he had left open and sprinkled salt in.

i don't know how long we sat there, but it was long enough for me to feel tired.

as i hear her slowly stopping to sob i look her in the eyes and smile a little.

"nahyun," i see the bottle of water on the counter before i open it and give it to her, "you should remember, your self worth isn't determined by someone else. let alone their actions."

she listens carefully. i remember the night after the disaster, all the things jake told me.

"i don't know why jake did that to you," i lie to her. "but i know for a fact that you are an angel. he doesn't deserve you." i realise what a cliché i am advising her, but it seemed like it helped.

nahyun was smiling at me and the wetness in her eyes had disappeared.

"use this lesson in your life as a personal growth," i finish my talk and stroke her arm.

"thank you, really," she looks at me after i say that it is no problem and smiles as if she was the purest thing alive.

we break the silence when my stomach growls. i laugh and shrug as she gets up, "i'll get the food heated," she walks into the kitchen as i still sit at the table.

as we finished the chinese food she made, i leaned back into my seat, my stomach covered with my hand. "that was so delicious," i confess before nahyun laughs. i smile at her.

"no seriously! you should share your secrets," i lean forward and look around as if someone could hear me the next second, "all the chinese restaurants i went to ever are worse." i giggle.

i didn't even have anything to drink, yet i felt so tipsy.

"thank you," nahyun responds looking at my plate. she looks up to me and smiles. i smile back as she gives me a wait-a-minute sign with her finger.

i follow her with my eyes before she comes back with a paper bag. "i think this belongs to you," she slides the bag to me on the table. my brows furrow as i take out the clothing piece.

"heeseung told me it was actually yours," i still admire the dress, "jake wanted to give it to you, but." i look at her as she shrugs, a laugh covering it.

"thank you," i look back at the dress.

after i put the dress back into the bag i look at her as she looks on her phone, her face showing everything but assurance. i don't ask and wait for her to talk.

"i need to tell you something," she finally raises her voice after sitting down and making me sit in silence.

i nod and wait for her to continue, "i am sorry i made you two split up. i know you probably know that i am the reason, but i was so in love and i didn't want him to be with you. it was bad, really bad. and i would do anything to change my past."

i progress what she had just confessed.

what what what what what what what

my eyebrows still crash together, making my confusion visual.

"the reason why jake and you broke up, i sent him the picture, i talked and gaslighted him." nahyun exhales after dropping this sentence. i look at her.

all the "you are an angel" talk had vanished in my thoughts.

"after i saw what consequences my actions had for you two, i felt so guilty and regretted everything," she still explains. i don't listen that well anymore.

i raise my hand for her to shut up and look at her. "thank you for telling me," is the only thing i can say to her.

if she wouldn't have sent him the picture, making it seem like i am cheating on him. i wouldn't be a single mom, whose heart shrinks every time she thinks about the past relationship.

i make it seem like i don't mind. but was it true? i don't know. it's in the past, i should not mind.

but i do. i love him still. even though i accepted my fate and even though i know he hadn't trust me. i know he loves me still. maybe that is why i can't move on...?

"thanks to you, i know that he hadn't trust me that much in the first place. maybe it just wasn't meant to be," i shrug.

i actually want to scream at her. i actually want to cry like a teenager, whose heart had just been ripped out. i actually want to storm out of this place that suddenly feels unfamiliar.

nahyun just smiles at me and reaches out for my hand that was resting on the table.

"i should thank you. byeol, you are the best, really. it's his loss," i smile and place my other hand above her.

it's his loss echoes in my brain. it was her loss. it was her fault. it was never his fault. all he wanted was a person that loves and cares for him. a person that'll stay with him till the end. and she ruined it for him. and for me. because i also needed a person like that.

i pray for a call from heeseung that'll make me leave this place as soon as possible.

and for the first time i think the god had heard my thoughts. my phone buzzes in my bag as i excuse myself.

"hey, are you done? shiwang wants you, she's been crying so much. please help me, i don't know what to do." i laugh as i calm him down.

"hey nahyun, heeseung needs help. i have to go," i pout making it seem like i'm sorry. i was a little bit sorry, but it just happened to be uncomfortable.

she nods and we bid goodbye the moment heeseung rings the bell to pick me up.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

︀︀︀︀︀☾︎a/n☽︎

its my 1000th day with enhypen today :)