h̶u̶g̶s̶ a̶n̶d̶ kisses

forty-one; trigger for a butterfly effect

„i'm telling you, it was supposed to be just a quick kiss," ina is twirling her hair around her finger, „but he gripped me so tight and stuff. he wants me," she rolls on her stomach, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

i give her a pity smile and stop folding my clothes, „why did you go there anyway?" i finally ask.

ina and i were meant to brunch today and then go on a shopping tour with shiwang. since she can walk better we try everything to make her be super stable while walking without anyone.

she looks at me like she got caught. i sigh, „whatever. i know it already." she's been crushing over heeseung since that party three years ago. „yeah you know? how do you feel about that? what if he wants to see you? will you say yes?" she bombs me with questions with no break in between.

i crash my eyebrows folding another piece of shiwangs tiny clothes, „what do you mean by that? of course i'm fine with you liking heeseung, we had this conversation before, ina. also we didn't fight, i'll always say yes to him."

ina just sighs. i'm confused by her behavior, but don't mind it. it's ina afterall. i just shrug and walk away.

☾︎✵☽︎

if she would find out that i only met heeseung because of jake, she will make grounded beef out of me.

i didn't expect byeol to move on about the hotel thing that fast. she was really hurt, is she just ignoring it. or is she an actress?

i get up and follow byeol around. „do you remember the first time i met heeseung?" i lean onto the door while she puts out the clothes. byeol looks at me before she nods. „we went to that party without telling jake and then we saw him there with heeseung." i nod proudly.

that was the start of everything. like a trigger for a butterfly effect.

„and then there was this game we played," i get interrupted by byeol, „seven minutes of heaven," she sighs, „what is this talk about?" i feel caught.

i want her to know that jake accepted every piece of her. he'd trusted her enough. the moon just wasn't shining right that night.

„and we didn't see jake sitting across of you in the dark room. and then boom, the bottle got spinned and it was," i point to byeol. byeol is smiling at the clothes by now.

„what did you guys even do that long? i remember you guys were in that bathroom for like ten minutes." i sit on the closed toilet and watch her still smiling.

⊱ ➳ 3rd year highschool ⊰

all evening i felt bad. guilt was as heavy as my heart.

quietly i dress up and put on a little make up. i look at my phone, before i climb out of the window. „i'll be home by 1, love you!" is the last message i sent to my dad. ina is supposed to meet me at the station so we can walk to the party.

while i put my phone into my bag that jake had gifted me two weeks after we met, it rings. i inhale all the air that i can catch. before holding it.

„so we're not doing anything tonight?" jake asks as i greet him. i shake my head as if he could see, „i'm going out with ina and some friends tonight." i hear jake sigh, „okay, because i don't have time tonight either." i breathe again.

i smile and nod, „i'll see you tomorrow then?" jake responds with a yes, followed by an i love you. i still feel guilty. why didn't i mention us going to a party? i grip it close before putting it into my bag again.

„why didn't you mention the party?" jake asks me as soon as the bathroom door gets locked. „why didn't you mention it?" i ask back, jake looks at me, because he also can't answer.

„i think, i was just scared you wouldn't like me to go to parties." i say after a while. his eyebrows crash, „why?"

„it happens in relationships, the guy doesn't like the girl to go to parties because of other boys or something," i shrug. „i would never be possessive of you. i love you and i trust you enough to go to parties."

he comes closer, my shoulders covered by his hands. „i'm sorry," he hugs me, stroking my hair. „star, don't be sorry," i smile, my head leaning on his chest.

„why didn't you tell me?" i ask. jake looks at me, „i was invited at heeseungs house when they planned on coming," he pulls his phone out, „before i could text you to invite you, it was dead." he smiles softly, shrugging.

i can't do anything but laugh and pull him in to leave a kiss on his lips. „thank you," i whisper before he comes close and kisses me. again.

seven minutes of heaven turn into seven minutes of talking. „times up, lovers," heeseung knocks on the door, about to open it. jake still kisses me as he shuts the door with his foot.

he looks me into the eyes and places my hair behind my shoulders. i nod and smile as he kisses me down to my neck. i grip his hair. „they're serious about the heaven part," heeseung says on the other side. i hear jake laughing before he leaves a peck on my lips and lets the door open.

⊱ ... ⊰

„i remember we left the party earlier and you and heeseung also got a room at the hotel," byeol side eyes me, with a dirty smile on her lips. „expect we did something you guys didn't," i laugh as byeol throws the clothes, „ina, you're disgusting," she threw them on me.