Diaries

Chapter 1

I never liked my father much, yet I followed him into practice every other day. The hustle and bustle and sound of cheering as the ball went through the hoop drove me insane. He coached high school basketball, and it seemed he loved those kids a whole lot more than he loved me. The smile on his face when he saw them, as he spoke to them, and the laughter he held with them...it was nothing like when he'd come home, shouting.

My mother always told me he was stressed out, and not take it so hard. Though she couldn't seem to practice what she preached. After she was done getting it she'd search her purse for smokes upon smokes and go to the porch to cry. I myself, had stopped crying, there were no more tears left. The sadness was gone, and I now could only hate.

I looked around the empty court before sitting my backpack down and rising from the stands. I grabbed a ball and tried to remember what I'd watched the guys do each practice. I searched my wrists for a hair tie, with no luck, I then tucked my long wavy hair behind my ear. I stood at the free throw line, closing my eyes momentarily.

If only there were anything that could make me feel so free. Throwing a ball through a hoop, and winning games. Any game... Being part of a team, not always alone. Being able to be in control of something... As my eyes opened, I took a leap, throwing the ball. As I watched it go, it didn't even touch the net when it made it. I watched it bounce away, my heart skipping several beats.

"You're doing it wrong."

I turned around quickly to see Leo standing there. His brown hair was messy, and his deep blue eyes stared back at me. He was wearing his St. Vitus jersey top and denim jeans. As usual, he clutched his beat and tattered composition book.

"Oh, I was just...yknow...fooling around." I said, watching him fold the book in half and stick it into his back pocket, as he went for the ball. He bent over to take it, I suddenly felt my face grow hot, as did the palm of my hands. It was as if a thousand knives were being jammed through them. I was embarrassed. He walked towards me, handing the ball over.

"Oh no, I wasn't serious or anything-"

"Don't meddle with anything you aren't serious about then." He said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Exactly what I said." He smirked slightly, "do you want to learn how to throw a fucking ball through a hoop or not?"

I couldn't help but to let slip a smile. He handed the ball over to me, as he would to one of the guys. My reflexes were quick as I caught it yet my heart was racing like rapid fire. He stood behind me, getting down on the ground and positioning my feet. I laughed softly, looking down at him.

"Relax your legs, you're too tense." He said as he stood up. I let go of tension, waiting for my cue to shoot. I then could feel his fingertips brushing softly against my neck as he pulled my hair gently out of the way. I turned around slightly, he looked at me just the same.

He wrapped his arms around me slightly, positioning my fingers against the ball. His hands were pretty sweaty, I convinced myself it was from the intense practice session I'd sat through for an hour and a half.

His voice became a mumble in my ear, "let your fingertips have the most control...not the palm of your hands, when you're shooting."

He let go, and suddenly I began to feel as if I could no longer do it. I turned around, he nodded towards the hoop. I turned back and without a single thought took a leap and threw the ball. It went straight through the hoop. I smiled, watching it bounce away, before turning back to him.

"See." He said.

"Alright, playtime's over, let's go." Behind him at the double doors stood my dad.

"I've gotta go..." I said quietly.

I could feel his eyes following me as I went to grab my backpack. I turned back to him and smiled quickly. He didn't smile back, he sort of just...stared at me.

"Aye good practice today, Leo."

"Thanks Swifty."

"Bye, Leo." I turned and waved.

"Bye Jessica." He said, finally letting slip a smile.

As I followed my dad to the car I could already make out that he was upset. For what could it be this time? I kept quiet to avoid conflict. As we got to the parking lot he unlocked the van, I reached for the door and he stopped me. I turned around, hesitantly.

"What did I tell you, Jess?" He asked.

"Not to talk to anyone if I came along." I repeated his earlier statement.

"Alright, so why did you?" He asked.

"I didn't, he came in and spoke to me." I answered.

"Right." He finally went around to the driver's side, getting in and shutting the door.

I got in as well, shutting the door and buckling up. I threw my backpack in the back seat. "Really." I said.

"Jessica, you're a very pretty young lady, and these guys aren't like you. They're from the streets, the hoods. They'll use and abuse you-"

"It was only Leo...it's not like it was...Mickey or anybody." I said, "your star player, the one you brag about as if he's your goddamn son." I threw my hands up.

"Don't use that goddamn tone with me." He snapped.

"I was only saying." I mumbled, looking out of the window as he began to start up the car. Leo and the guys were all knocking around, pushing each other and laughing and what not.

"Well I'm gonna say this once and not anymore, don't talk to these guys. You don't know them."