Toxic and Mine

Look What You Made Me Do

3/14

"I don't know how and I don't know why you're still clinging onto life. You should be dead and if you ever wake up, I'm going to make you wish you were. You were the only person allowed to disrespect me but you just kept pushing and pushing until I snapped."

Whoever it was, I could hear them close to my ear. I could feel their breath on my skin but yet I couldn't move or speak.

"Me shooting you was just the beginning. If for some reason god decides that you need to endure more torture. I will surely be glad to let you see why... I get called the devil."

****
I'm awake now.

You know that feeling when you're awake but refuse to open your eyes? That's me right now, and I'm aware that I should be up, finding something productive to do in this house. However, there's this nagging sense that I've been sleeping more than I should be.

Something confuses me as I suddenly become aware of the sound of beeping. It's rhythmic and steady, and as I open my eyes, I'm completely confused. I find myself hooked to an IV with multiple needles plugged into me.

Oh my god...

Without hesitation, I rip them off and jump out of bed with a scream. However, I couldn't walk or feel my legs. I hear someone running in, and they stop in their tracks when they see me..

"Maybe a little help?" I ask with sarcasm. The doctor is bronze and bald headed but it worked for him. He was fine as hell too, like one of those Miami doctors.

"Well, I'll be damned," he says with a little humor, but eventually, he helps me back into bed.

"Now I've found myself in lot of sticky situations but this tops it all. Where the hell am I?" I ask the man. I wasn't in a hospital that's for sure and I wasn't at home.

"How are you feeling?" He asks me getting up to grab some instruments to check my heart rate. He flashes lights in my eyes, ears and throat.

"Well, I have a headache, and I'm paralyzed!" I express, voicing my frustration and distress.

"Yea you've been on heavy anesthesia. What month is it?"

"Did Silva knock me out or some shit? I swear one day he's going to be the death of himself. And um.... It's October, I hope I didn't miss my fucking birthday!" I yell at the man grabbing his arm. He stares at me with uncertainty and I begin feeling uneasy. He writes something on his clipboard before giving me his attention.

"What is the last thing you remember?" He ask.

I stare in space trying hard to remember. I remember where I am, the Romano Estate, I remember going to the casino and getting drunk and I remember Silva.... I remember Silva...

"Please tell me I was dreaming." I speak softly noticing my own voice inaudible. The look on his face solidifies everything and I unbutton my hospital gown to look. The now uncomfortable doctor turns his head the other way but I could see him trying to steal a glimpse of my breast as I look down at my stomach. It was as if the dent in the front center fully healed. When I touched it, I didn't feel anything – no pain, no sensitivity. I look up expectantly at the man. "How long has it been?" I ask him.

"Five months."

My heart sinks as he says that and I couldn't hide the fearful look on my face no longer. It was true, I wasn't dreaming. Silva shot me and he did it with intent to kill.

"I want to leave." I say quickly trying to stand up but the doctor is quick to stop me.

"Ma'am it's impossible."

I go limp with defeat, laying back down as a sudden rush of exhaustion takes over me. I know I look a mess, and I feel a mess too.

"I don't want anyone to see me like this." I tell him.

"Mrs. Brookes, there are so many people who are dying to see you. Manon comes to visit you quite often-"

"I don't care." I cut him off. " I don't want to be seen like this, I can't even fucking walk."
The man sighs rubbing his bald head before speaking.

"We can do therapy, I can't tell you how long it's going to take to get you stable. It all depends on the person, but until then, you'll be in a wheelchair."

I break down crying immediately. The way my heart is pounding it feels like I could have a heart attack at any moment.

"I can't believe he actually did it! He really wanted me dead!" He shot me point blank and the pain shoots through me as if it was currently happening. My lungs felt as if they were closing in on me making it hard to breathe. I was having a panic attack. The doctor quickly lays me down again, pricking me with a needle, he must be really good at his job because I didn't feel a thing.

The only thing I could think about as my body goes calm against my will is Silva.