just a bunch of panic/anxiety attacks

No control.

characters: bakugou, izuku, aizawa (bakugou dad
tw?: panic attack, sh, mentions of suicide/ being suicidal
desc: loud boy had melt down an plays knife game on arms without having control

Katsuki pov:

I'm so fucking done. I can't do it. I'm done.

"Kacchan wait!-"
"Please Izuku just leave me alone i can't do this right now."
"Kacchan.. Please talk to me. I'm worried."
"I need some time. Please."

I can't let him know what's going on. He will think i'm crazy. Knowing his bf is suicidal? I'd be put in a hospital. I just need to think about a small outlet for my emotions to go through. Hopefully soon.

"Katsuki..? You okay?"
"Huh? Oh. Yeah."
"I can clearly see you're not. You don't have to talk, but please get some rest. I can tell you need some."
"Okay."

I ran to my dorm, hearing footsteps behind me. I figured that it was someone just going to their dorm so i went to mine and sat down to sleep.

*knock*

"Kacchan?"
"Come in."

-

"Kacchan.. I can tell something is wrong."
"Nope nothing. All good."
"You don't have to hide you know. I understand."
"You do?"
"Yes Kacchan of course! And i love you regardless of whatever you're going through."

I smiled faintly.

"How about we take a small nap to get things off your mind?"
"Okay. I think i'm up to that."

^time skip: 1 hour^

I woke up with my boyfriend snoring in a deep sleep. I got up to use the bathroom and then when i stepped in everything changed. I didn't feel real. I felt like someone else was controlling my body, not me. I tried to throw some water on my face but it didn't work. I used the bathroom and when i was done it was worse. Just walking was hard.

"mm Babe? Where'd you go?"

I tried to talk, but i couldn't. I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall uncertain of what was going on. I felt high.

"Baby you okay in there?"

I picked looked in the cabinet for anything i could use to help bring me back to my senses and unfortunately i spotted a big box of razors. The non shave kind.

"Baby? Are you okay? Can i come in?"

I grabbed the razor and looked at it closely before accidentally dropping it on my leg, drawing a big line of blood. Although it hurt, it helped me come back to my senses. So uncontrollably, i did it again, and again, and again. Until i felt like i could stop myself.

"That's it. I'm coming in."

The door opened and immediately my heart dropped. I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Baby!!"

I started o feel the pain of the cuts on my leg and all the emotions building up made me break and i just started sobbing.

"It's okay, don't cry. I'm gonna bandage you up i promise."
"I-i why i do-i can't-"
"Hey, calm down. You're gonna start panicking."

unfortunately for me that had already started happening.

I started to feel my chest close up, which was not good. Everything started hurting including my legs and i could feel all the things around me from head to toe. It was unbearable.

"Hey, what's going on baby? I need you to talk. Please." He kept talking while he was putting neosporin on my cuts.
"E-everything-hurts-i-"
"Okay okay, i'm almost done baby just breathe you're alright." He was wrapping a bandage over my legs.

"There you go baby. Now, I need you to listen to my voice okay?"
"M-kay."
"Alright. I'm going to bring you over to me so i can calm your heartbeat."

I nodded and he continued.

"Okay. I need to know exactly what you're feeling. It doesn't have to be full words."
"Body- i-it hurts. My head.. tired, a-anxious."
"Alright alright shhh thank you baby."

My arms started to shake a bit and i started crying hard.

"Hey, shh you're okay baby! You're fine. Here."

He brought me outside to the bedroom, laying me down then laying down beside me.

"Think you could follow my heartbeat?"
"M-mhm."
"Good, just breathe in and out. You'll be fine."

I finally let out a breath and then my body went limp from exhaustion. Next thing i remember is being in a different outfit from before and on a different side of the bed.

"Hey, you're awake, Are are you feeling?"
"Fine..? What happened?"
"Nothing you need to worry about. I made you some tea, here."
"Thanks babe."
"Anything for you."