just a bunch of panic/anxiety attacks

Struggling.

characters: bakugou, aizawa, izuku.
tw?: talk of sh, talk of suicide
desc: boom boom boy voices his feelings

Izuku's pov.

I walked in and at first glance, i didn't realize it was Kacchan. His eyes had bags under them, his hair was flat and not spiked, and his face was red; like he had been crying. Before i could even begin to ask what happened he tried to kick me out.

"Leave."
"Kacchan.. what happened to you? Are you okay? Did something happen to Aunt-"
"Listen okay? I'm fine. Go hang out with your squad or some shit." He wiped a tear that was falling from his eye.
"But you're crying.."
"No im not. It's my allergies. Leave. Please."

He said please. Now i know something's wrong. I've known him all my life and he never says "please". I need to tell someone.

"Fine. I'll go."

And i walked out, shut the door, and made my way to Mr Aizawa's office.

Aizawa's pov.

I was so close to being done with the paper work. Just needed a few more sentences and then i'd be done. But no, now i have a green headed kid infront of me.

"Midoriya, it's 20:45 at night. Why are you in here?"
"It's about Kacchan. He's not well. I think he's sick or some-"
"Kid. Calm down. Tell me what's going on, but slowly."

He took a deep breath before continuing.

"I went into his room because i hadn't seen him all day and he wasn't at class. When i got there his face was all red and he had tears rolling down his face. He had bags under his eyes too. And his hair isn't spiked like it normally is!"

I took a deep breath and put my hands in my face. What could be going on with him?

"I'll be up there in a bit to check what's going on with him. Go back to your dorm kid."
"Okay, thank you Mr Aizawa! Goodnight."
"Night kid."

I put everything away and shut off the light, exiting my office. I quickly walked to Bakugou's room, not knowing what i would see.

Katsuki pov.

I don't understand why he came barging in like that. I told him i was fine, so he should be okay with that. I'm not telling that nerd what's wrong even if i knew. I just hope he doesn't tell anyone..

*KNOCK*
*KNOCK*

Shit.

"Katsuki? You in there?"
"Go away."

Shit. Why did i respond!

"Sorry kid. Not happening. I'm gonna come in now, okay?"
"Wait-"

He opened the door and i saw his eyes widen. Not in fear. But it looks like he was almost concerned. He scanned my room with his eyes and i quickly sat up and pulled the blankets to my face.

"Kid.. What happened..?"
"Nothing happened Sensei. I'm fine. You can leave now."
"Sorry, but that's not happening. You're obviously in a bad state of mind right now. Only way for it to get better is to talk about it."
"What's there to talk about. I'm depressed. There. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"No. I did not want to hear you say you were depressed, because then my assumptions were correct."
"Your assumptions? What the hell do you mean by that?"
"You'll know later. Now, i'm not stupid. There's some things that you're not saying."
"Maybe because i don't want you to hear them."

He sat down next to me on the bed and looked at his hands for a second.

"I know you're going through something Katsuki. I just want to help."
"Anyone who's ever tried to "help" has just made things worse."
"You don't have to tell me, i'm just suggesting. Talking about it will help you feel better."

I thought about it for a second. Do i really want him to know about how my depression started? Or that im suicidal? Or that my thighs are burning from the knife in the drawer next to me? Or that my thighs are bleeding through my pants? I don't know.

"I don't know."
"You don't know what?"
"I don't know if i want to talk to you or not. Part of me wants to trust you and part of me wants to shut you out. I can't decide."

I could feel the tears slowly coming in my eyes and i turned my face away from him, looking out my window.

"Katsuki. Look at me."

I turned my head back, as one tear fell from my eyes.

"It's okay to cry. I promise. I'm not going to call you names because you're expressing your emotions."

Once he said that, something in me switched. I started full on sobbing into my hands. I hadn't cried this hard in weeks. It felt like i was releasing all the things i had on my back.

He just sat there and rubbed my back telling me to breathe slowly and that everything was going to be okay.

After what felt like forever, i stopped crying and panicking. I looked up at him, who was smiling.

"Are you ready to talk now?"

I thought about it again. Not as hard this time.

"Yeah. I am."