just a bunch of panic/anxiety attacks

Too much.

characters: aizawa, bakugou
tw?: sewer 🛝, mention of ed, throwing up, panic attack,
desc: boom boy get caught trying to die

Bakugou's pov.

1 pill.
2 pills.
6 pills.
9 pills.
14 pills in my mouth. I can't swallow them. What about my mother, or the class? What if i do survive and they all look down on me? What if i miss the opportunity to become the #1 Hero? What if they're waiting for me to do this? What if they want me dead?

I want me dead. So i guess im gonna have to see if i can survive this one.

I swallowed it. All of them. I laid against the tub waiting for something to happen. Anything, but nothing happened. My stomach started to hurt and my anxiety started to rise. What if this doesn't kill me? What if they admit me to a mental hospital-

"Bakugou? You in there? Kirishima told me to check on you, said you weren't acting normal."
"Im-Im fine."
"I would really like to believe you, but i found a note on your bed that could say otherwise."

I felt my heart drop to my feet. My suicide note. Shit. I was supposed to hide it. Or put it somewhere unnoticeable. Plus i'm in a public bathroom, not my own. How could i have been this stupid! I'm so fucking-

"Shit! Oh shit- FUCK!"
"Bakugou? Unlock the door."

It felt like my insides were being ripped apart. I turned to the toilet and everything just started coming out. My throat felt like it was on fire and tears kept escaping my eyes, making it blurry. I couldn't see, my throat was on fire, my stomach was being ripped apart. What's next?

"Shit. I'm coming in, hold on."

I wanted to protest, but my body made it physically incapable of doing so. I heard the door swing open and in the corner of my eye, he stood there for a good 3 seconds, holding the pill bottle in his hand, processing what was going on. Then, i felt a hand on my back.

"Stop trying to hold it in, it'll make it worse. Just let it happen. Your body is trying to get the pills out."

I finally felt relief and my body felt numb after i was finished. I didn't have enough strength to lift myself up so i just hovered over the toilet hoping it didn't happen again.

"Can you speak?"
"I- think so..?"
"Okay good. Hold on, i'm going to get a bottle of water. I won't be gone long."

Before i could tell him to stay, he was already out the door in a hurry. Then the wave came back. The burning pain, the ripping apart, the blurriness. I wanted everything to end. Everything.

"Alright i'm ba- Oh kid.."

He rubbed on my back and told me not to hold back again, which i did. After what felt like forever, my body finally got over it and i was laid up against the tub again. My anxiety was slowly rising, not ready for the talk i was gonna have.

"Okay, drink this. It's should help. Now, i'm not here to make you feel bad about anything that happened, but you need help kid. You just tried to kill yourself."
"I know. I'm sorry. I-i don't know why-"
"You don't have to have a reason. It's okay."
"I'm just so tired. I'm tired of everything. And i don't even know why. Everything in my life is good."
"I want you to name one bad thing that has happened in your life in the past month."
"Well i-"

I stopped. I can't tell my teacher i have Anorexia. Or that i'm severely depressed. Or that i have severe anxiety issu-

"Hey, it's okay. Calm down. You don't have to if you don't want too."

My heart was beating way too fast and my breathing was fast and heavy. He obviously caught on.

"Look at me. You're okay. I promise."

He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly, rubbing my back slightly.

"I-i i'm so s-sorry.. i'm such a f-fucking f-fuck up-"
"No you're not Katsuki. You may be going through things, but you're not a fuck up."

I felt my throat tighten as my heavy breathing turned into hyperventilation.

"Hey, breathe with me. In and out. Slowly."

I tried my best to follow his breathing but no matter what i did nothing worked. I felt hopeless. My head was hurting, my throat was on fire, my eyes were blurry and my stomach was going through waves of pain.

"Shh, it's okay kid. You're gonna be fine. I promise. Just focus on my voice."

I attempted a final time and finally got a breath out, panting and crying in his arms. I felt pathetic. How am i gonna be a Pro when i keep crying like this?

"Katsuki. Look at me. You can't keep doing this. I understand your pain and what you're going through, i've been through it myself. It's gonna get better kid, i promise. You just gotta keep fighting."

Those words made my eyes let a few tears fall before quickly getting wiped.

"Come on. I'm going to take you back. You need some rest. You do have a choice though. You could go to your dorm where i'd keep an eye on you or my room where i'd also keep an eye on you."

I thought about it for a second. If i went to my dorm, he'd search for anything i could harm myself with and he'd find my old notes and my diary. I wasn't ready for that conversation.

"Your dorm."
"Alright. I'll get you settled and then i'll clean this up."