just a bunch of panic/anxiety attacks

It will take time.

characters: izuku, kirishima, bakugou, shoto
desc: bakugou isn't okay.
tw: ptsd, flashbacks, anxiety attack, gagging

Katsuki's pov.

I've never liked to be called weak, it made me feel less than. I didn't like it. That means don't cry, don't worry, don't bother people. Don't show emotions, well except for anger. That's all people knew me for anyway.

It was a typical day in the common room. Izuku joking with Shoto, Kirishima cooking.

"Pancakes or waffles?" Kirishima asked.
"Definitely pancakes." Said Shoto.

I was sitting on the couch just minding my business and reading a book when the smoke alarm went off. The ringing noise made me flinch and my book fell out of my hands and onto the floor. I was frozen.

"Kirishima.. That's loud." Said Shoto.
"Apologies, just the smoke."

I was leaned over on the couch with my legs bouncing, making a rhythmic tapping on the ground. My hands had a fist full of my hair and for some reason, it was like i wasn't even there.

"You hear that Katsuki? Hear that ringing? It's because you don't know to properly cook food! Boys your age should know how to cook a proper meal, not set off smoke detectors." My mother's voice rang through. "Im sorry mother, i really am i didn't mean to set off the smoke alarm." She looked at me with a fake smile and then slapped me right across my face. "You keep making these mistakes and nobody is going to want you Katsuki. Don't you want a wife and kids? Nobody will date someone who can't do proper and simple tasks such as cooking."

I was brought back from my flashback by Shotos hand on my shoulder, which i quickly hit away.

"Chill. You okay? You seem a bit.. scared." Shoto said with genuine concern on his face. When did he learn how to show emotion? "I'm not scared for one. I'm not weak." I didn't look at him. "I never said you were, just said you looked upset. You sure you're okay?" I sighed. "I'm fine." He walked away, not wanting to bother anymore.

Kirishima finished the pancakes and made the plates. He topped my pancake with lots of syrup and sugar. "I don't need this." He raised an eyebrow. "I'll eat it, whatever."

The rest of the day was normal for the most part until lunch came around. Shoto was making grilled cheese, which was something i enjoyed most days. Izuku wouldn't stop staring at me and it was starting to tic me off. "What." I asked him sternly. "You look bothered, Kacchan." I sighed, but didn't answer. Again, the smoke alarm went off and i bounced my leg again, my eyes squeezing tightly.

"Katsuki! I told you to do these dishes and now we have nothing to eat off of!" She spoke in such a rude tone. "I'm sorry mama-" Another slap. "Listen. An apology means nothing to me when you don't make an effort to change it. You're weak, admit it."

I was pulled back to reality by Kirishima who was kneeling infront of me. Apparently i wasn't on the couch anymore, i was across the room by the tv, my knees to my chest and my hair being pulled.

"Bakugou, what's going on?" All i could do was mumble incoherent words. I had very little awareness of what was happening on around me so i was confused and dazed. "Bakugou." I looked at Kirishima, who looked 10x more worried than he first was. "Dude, you're hyperventilating." He mumbled, looking at me all around. "M'fine." I managed to get out. "Dude. You're barely breathing and you're digging your finger nails into your arms. You're going to make yourself bleed at this rate." He signaled for Izuku to come over. Anyone but him, please.

"What's going on?" Izuku asked. "I don't know he won't speak to me. He just keeps mumbling a bunch of incoherent nonsense that i can't translate. I'm extremely worried about him Izuku he almost never acts like this." Kirishima reached to grab my arm and i immediately got upset. I started screaming and tears spewed from my eyes. "Kacchan what's-"

"Leave me alone!" I cried. Kirishima put his hands on my shoulders. "Bakugou." I didn't respond. "Bakugou." I didn't respond. "Katsuki." My head slowly turned to look at him and he nodded. "Good, you need to breathe. I don't know what's going on with you but whatever it is you obviously aren't well. Breathing like this is going to make you worse, not better."

"I can go get water." Izuku said. I covered my ears. "Yes, please." Said Kirishima.

"You're so weak Katsuki. You can't even go a day without a panic attack. This is why everyone hates you Katsuki, be a man for once in your life."

"Kacchan..?" I looked up at him, my whole body shaking. "I know whats going on." Said Izuku. Kirishima looked at him with a confused expression. "What's going on?" Izuku looked at me for a moment looking for any sign of unsureness. "He has PTSD." Kirishima froze, and then stared at me. "What do we do?" Izuku turned to him, then back to me. "Kacchan, look at me."

His hand on my shoulder brought me back to my senses. "Good, Kiri get him calm, i'm going to get something to get him calm." Kiri nodded. "Katsuki i-" I instantly interrupted him. "Stop.. stop.."

"Stop what?"
"S-stop.."
"Katsuki i can't help you if you don't-" My hyperventilating got worse. I could see the hesitation clear in his eyes. Before i knew it he grabbed me and held me in his arms. I couldn't fully process what was going on but the way he held me.. it helped.

"You gotta breathe Bakugou. Cmon, follow my breathing." He said, rubbing my back. "I-i can't Kiri- i-" I was cut off by Izuku walking back. "Is he okay?" Izuku asked.

"I'm trying to get him to breathe but i don't think he's comprehending."
"Let me."
"Izuku are you sure-"
"I've dealt with this before. I'm positive."

Kirishima put me in Izuku's arms and patted my back.

"Okay Kacchan, just breathe, okay? Just like we've done before. Just breathe."

After about 8 minutes i could finally breathe normally again, and i collapsed in his arms. I felt his arms wrap tighter around me.

"He's okay, Kiri, will you get him to his dorm?"
Kiri nodded.

1075 words.