Vent
I want to feel nothing, but I don't want to. I want to give up, but I can't and really shouldn't (not only because god says no and I saw what suicide does to the environment but also because I'm young, have a lot of possibilities still laying before me).
I do want to improve, but it's so much, so I try a lot and fail everything, because I can't focus enough to achieve and keep my goal in mind. Then I'm overwhelmed again and I'm back at the beginning.
I want to be a wonderful author, but I can't even write one chapter at once. Not even mentioning how bad I am at structuring beforehand just as „letting it flow“.
I want to have friends, but I want to be alone. I want a partner (not in the near future though, that'd be contraproductive for both of us), but I also really don't because I don't want to have to share so much of myself with someone and stuff... I want cuddles and maybe kisses and I want to talk AND be silent with them.
I want to be me, but I want to be liked by God, my parents and my friends, I want that I like me, but achieving all these is straight up impossible.
I want to be a good Christian, a good person, friend, daughter, student and stranger.
In reality, I have no clue what I want. I am so full of exact opposites, that I neither know what is good and what's bad, nor what and who to believe. There are so many different opinions and all that... I really don't know anymore. I want someone to tell me what to do, but I also really don't, because no one can assure me, that that is actually the right way to go/opinion.
Life is too much and that's why.
DU LIEST GERADE
Stuff about Mrs Scamander (Stuffbook V2)
De TodoUrsprünglich gedacht, um kleine Meinungstexte meinerseits zu sammeln, mittlerweile eher ein Ventbook. Bitte bleib einfach draußen, ich will die Dinge nur irgendwo von der Seele schreiben und digital fühlt es sich einfach besser an, als schreie man i...
